I think that you don’t have to like her one little bit. I think it’s crazy when people try to obligate others to get along. Sometimes personalities just clash. Sometimes people in the same birth family don’t get along, never mind in-laws!

I think what you do have to do, for your own sake and that of your family, is at least behave respectfully and politely towards her when you do see her.

I think that she has to do the same as well, and your husband has to support you in this if she crosses the line.

Ignoring you or disrespecting you in your own home is not acceptable.

So if I were you, I would take some time when your Husband is relaxed and in a good mood and tell him you want to talk about the situation with your Sister-in-law. Tell him that you want to draw a line under what has happened between you in the past and start afresh. Tell him that to reduce tension, when you do see her you want it to be on neutral ground as much as possible, e.g. at your Mother-in-Laws. Tell him that for his sake and your Sister-in-Laws you think it would be better if the two of them did not discuss you as this leads to misunderstandings and extra tension. Tell him that given that he is your Husband you expect him to have your back and not allow her to behave disrespectfully, particularly when she is visiting your home. This means acknowledging your existence and just generally being a polite house guest – which she should be anyway.

Tell him that from now on you will be super polite and civil towards her, and that you are going to forget all the difficult things that have gone before.

Don’t tell him that you love her, that you are going to try to be her BFF, because it’s wrong of him to expect that of you.

Then, if he responds positively from that point on stick to your word. Don’t back bite about her to him or bitch about her to anyone else.

When you do have to see her, stick to your word. Be polite and courteous but don’t try to be her best friend or do anything that you don’t really feel. If you try to be more friendly then you feel she will probably sense you are being false anyway.

If she tries to get a rise out of you or provoke you, ignore it. Just respond with a smile and get yourself out of the situation.

I hope that by doing this you will be living down the bad stuff that happened in the past, while not being a push over. You will also be taking the higher ground in this very difficult situation.

In your heart you may feel frustrated, annoyed by her presence and angry about this whole situation, but that feeling probably isn’t going to go away anytime soon, so the most you can do is damage limitation.

I hope you can find some peace with this situation.