Hi Jay-me,

What happened in your past, is your past. You made mistakes, like every other human being does on this planet. Its gone, its over. Do not look at your past and think ‘If I could have done this or that’, you cannot change your past and you cannot get rid of it either. You basically see your mistakes as something very normal, nothing more and you stop every single time when your inner voice critic beats you down for your mistakes.

When there’s a cycle of dating wrong people again and again, there’s something we are missing that’s meant to be learn. What we feel about ourselves, we project out to this world. When we do not value ourselves or have poor self worth, we project that to the world and attract certain people. Similarly, when we are happy with ourselves and have higher self esteem, we project that out and attract certain type. What you perceive in your external world is just a reflection of your inner world.

So, solution is simple. Give up the idea that there’s something out their that will make you happy or make you feel worthy of love. Look deeply inside, work on your mind so that you feel worthy and loved without anyone or anything. When you start getting close to that, you will break the delusions. Then, everything will falls into its place on its own.

Source of your happiness and your suffering is inside you .

Ashley,

Interesting quote.

Who are you? Who are you without them?

Who are we without our Bf or Gf or kids or parents or friends? Are we just someone’s something? Someone’s partner, someone’s blah blah….is that all?

You are only defined by you not by the people around you.

Brav3

Nina,

Thanks for adding.

Yes, what you said is the ability to value yourself, self worth or self esteem is what I am referring to.

Hats off to you for valuing yourself and saying No to the mistreatment.

What I’ve learnt from my last relationship is that I took too long to say ‘NO’ to the poor treatment. Why? Because I afraid to be alone. I had this need to be loved. I was looking for my worth in my ex’s love for me. So, out of fear, I put up with repetitive mistreatment/crossing healthy boundaries for a long time. It costed me to lose my sense of worth further. And when she left me, I felt like I am the most undeserving person on this planet.

I didn’t see the fact that I attracted my ex to be in my life, because I didn’t see my worth. My poor sense of worth brought her to my life. And by not saying ‘No’ to the poor treatment, I caused further infliction to my self esteem.

We can avoid such prolonged suffering by learning to be alone and finding our self worth within us.

If we do these two things, we will feel contented because there’s nothing out there that will make us worthy and we can let go of those people who we attracted because of poor self esteem, far quickly.

All the best
Brav3

Hi Humour,

Thank you and I wish the same for you to. Here’s something I learnt from a Buddhist Nun.

We think of happiness is of something we have to find like a needle in a haystack. We think it is out there, somewhere. Jobs, dollars, Bfs or Gfs etc. Buddha disagrees. He says that’s not practical because of unreliable and impermanent nature. He says that if you seek happiness through them, it won’t last.

It doesn’t meant that you stop enjoying them, it only means that you should try and change your interpretation of these objects.

All the best to you to
Brav3