Dear Saiyan:

You shared that during your preteen years, you were a high achiever in school. During your teenage years, your parents put pressure on you to continue to be a high achiever, and because of that pressure, you felt very badly (I am paraphrasing) when you failed to achieve high grades etc.: blaming yourself, being disappointed with yourself, fearing your mother’s reactions (“really scared of her, like what she’d say? She’d be disappointed“), and you developed a pattern of behavior you avoid and run away from difficulties. You are currently in a good position work-wise, doing your job well, but you feel like an imposter: “part of me thinks I don’t deserve or I’m (not) capable enough“.

“I’ve started doing mindfulness meditation but what other actionable steps I can take to resolve this?“- first, a bit more understanding: “it’s like a pattern whenever there’s something that I’m not able to understand or something hard, I try to avoid or run away from that instead of facing it and learn. It costed me dearly for lot of years“-

– when you avoid or run way from difficulties, what you are trying to avoid and run away from is the emotional pain involved in feeling not-good-enough, incapable, disappointing. What motivates us as humans is not the objective, external circumstances but our subjective emotions in regard to the external circumstances. Therefore, a person who as a child was made to feel okay about making mistakes, and encouraged to explore, mistakes or not- would be positively motivated to tackle a difficult situation; yet a person who was made to feel very badly about making mistakes, would be motivated to run away from a difficult situation.

I boldfaced and italicized emotional pain because there is no way to resolve your imposter syndrome without facing and addressing this pain. For as long as this pain feels too acute, you will avoid it and run away from it.. and remain, in your mind, an imposter. So, first thing to do is to lower the intensity of this emotional pain. One way to do so is to verbally express it, in writing (journaling), sharing about it here, and best, of course, would be to share it within the context of quality, in-person psychotherapy. You are welcome to share it here, and I will respond to you in a way that will not hurt you (empathetically and not judgmentally).

anita

Dear SereneWolf (aka Addy):

Are you the original poster of this thread (Saiyan)?

“I would like to start journaling – what do you think is the good way put down your thoughts on paper? I find it difficult“- I can give you 10 sentences to complete, you read the beginning of each sentence and complete it with whatever comes to your mind spontaneously, then you submit without re-reading, editing or correcting what you wrote. Do you think you can do that, and do you want to do that?

anita

Dear Saiyan (aka Addy, LoneWolf):

“I wonder how long therapy would take?“- it will take a few months for you to experience significant improvement if you have a quality therapist whom you learn to trust and to whom you tell the truth.

* There is a saying: The Truth Shall Set You Free. (It is in the bible, John 8:32: “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free“).

The title of your thread includes the word imposter, online definition of the word (impostor): “a person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others..”.

Impostor syndrome: “a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.. they may think that they are deceiving others because they feel as if they are not as intelligent as they outwardly portray themselves to be” (Wikipedia)

There is another term that may apply to you, it’s called “illusory superiority“: “a condition of cognitive bias wherein a person overestimates their own qualities and abilities, in relation to the same qualities and abilities of other people” (Wikipedia). The term is synonymous perhaps with arrogance (an attitude of superiority).

In your 2nd and 3rd posts on this thread, you wrote and asked: “I would like to start journaling – what do you think is the good way put down your thoughts on paper?.. So in your opinion journaling and psychotherapy helps? and Yes I wouldn’t mind starting journaling“-

-Here is what I suggest: have a notebook where you write, or a word doc where you type (whatever you feel comfortable with) and name it Not More, Not Less Journal (NMNLJ). In this journal, aim at the following attitude: you no longer have to be superior to others in terms of intelligence. You don’t have to pretend anymore that you are more than you are- and therefore, you don’t have to fear being exposed as less. You are now free to be you, just you: not superior and not inferior. In your writings, in this journal, you no longer try balance feelings of inferiority with feelings of superiority.

* In my mind’s ear, I almost hear you arguing against what I just suggested and placing my suggestion in an Other People’s Inferior Suggestions mental file (but responding almost kindly nonetheless, with an emoji or two).

anita

You are welcome. Let me know if there is anything else you need help with, in this thread. I wish you serenity, Serene Wolf!

anita