Hiya Anita, you have such an incredible memory haha!

You did suggest the competent psychotherapy last time. I will admit I did not get any aside from 6 counselling sessions which did not help too much.

My opinion differentiates from yours slightly. I do understand your insight about my mother leaving and me suppressing that anger however, that has nothing to do with my child’s monther having sex with other men whilst she carried my baby. Whether or not my parents split up, I’d still be angry about that.

On that basis I do not really think I am inaccurately projecting anger on to my ex girlfriend, because any woman carrying my baby having sex whilst pregnant was my worst nightmare. So no matter what happened in my past this would have hurt immensely regardless. Perhaps your opinion my be that although I have a right to be angry, that I am a little more angry than I should be?

I am not disregarding your insight as it was really eye opening. It’s just that I believe my experience would have felt the same if my parents had not split up.

No matter what therapy I get, there is no amount of therapy that can make it go away, or undo what my childs mother done.

Seany

I’ve often tried to utilise the fact that my ex is such a great mother in an attempt to overwrite the wrongs of the past, but the pain from her past actions was too strong and outweighed her being a great mum and therefore keeping the flames alive.

I DO feel about 80% less anger than I used to a few years ago. This is a very positive thing because the pain I used to feel as a result of all the burning rage was literally cremating my soul.

I am unsure if I’ve completely forgiven her, but I am not as painfully angry as I was say, 3 years ago where it burned constantly and I seethed from morning to night. I know that the process of time, and also the fact that I made my life better as a result of all this, have contributed to me not being so livid anymore.

I am most certainly at the “I will not forget it” stage, I always will be. Because there is no possibility to wipe the memories away.

That is possibly what this is now about – I will not forget it… So I don’t want her to either.

Hiya Anita,

Yes it is very much less these days. Part of me never wants to let go of it, which seems a bit weird, but at the same time feels justified as in never letting her off the hook.

Time certainly helps, but the memories never truly fade. And somewhere deep inside that craving for revenge against the men involved will linger.

However, life is good and always getting better. I have major plans for the future.

Thank you.

Not so much with a problem, just a kind of update on where I’m at..

Nowadays I can basically see my boy whenever I want (which obviously wasn’t always the case), so this isn’t a problem.

Basically something happened the other day that was a very first… As I was dropping my boy off at her house, she arrived back home with her boyfriend, who lives with them.

I already knew he lived with them for at least the last few months, so it wasn’t a surprise, but I had never met him (they dated last year and finished but now are back together again).

Thing is, I didn’t really want to meet him either, as I have always felt that I don’t want to play happy-chappy and pretend I like anyone she is ever with, due to all the grievances from the past. Some of the stuff she done is just irreversible and I can’t allow that to be buried.

All we did was say hello to each other as he got out of the car. I purposely didn’t go up to shake his hand as I brought my son over his coat. Why should I be the one to do that?

I did actually have an issue with him even though we’ve never met – last year after they had broke up, I asked my son did he ever hit him,and my son said he only shouted at him. I don’t know whether this was a once-off or multiple times.

Now, I don’t even shout at my boy, so another man thinking he can shout at my boy has already crossed a line in my book. Maybe I was looking a reason not to like him, I don’t know, but the bottom line is i’ll hold it against him.

I’m not the person i used to be. I’m not that p****d off, furious guy anymore. I work for a good company. I’m starting my own business soon. I play around with hot ladies of varying ages. Life has literally never been better. However..

Some small part of me still won’t let go of what my ex done to me 7 years ago. And for that, I will never truly accept anyone playing daddy to my boy. And although subtle, it is not hidden…she knows, and he knows, and I don’t care that they know.

Hi Anita,

You’re always here, on hand to bless people with your wisdom 🙂

I’ll actually talk to my son first as I’d rather hear anything from him because obviously I’ll trust absolutely anything he tells me. She’s a good mother and I know my boy is safe – I’ve never ever lost a nights sleep worrying about him.

Today she changed her Whatsapp picture to one of her, my son, and the guy, all smiling happy families and stuff. The thing is, this would have killed me a few years ago and I would have flew off the handle about it. Now it just sort of mildly disappoints me. She knows it’s not something I like because I have said it to her before about me not liking these type of pictures, and I know that they would be on her social media (not that I see, I’m blocked, and I don’t use Facebook anyway) and I can just imagine people commenting how nice of a family they look etc.

I can’t control it, so what I do is just completely detach myself from anything to do with her. I will only ever be doing the absolute bare minimum required to communicate about my boy and no more. I think that, as much as she’d probably like it if I was to be more friendly, open and accepting of her and her live-in partner, i’m not going to give her that for one main reason..

For a very long time she excluded me from being present in my child’s early life, including all the terrible things she done whilst pregnant etc. So, despite things having changed a lot over the years for the better, I’m going to remain as non-existent in her life as possible. You excluded me? Ok, I’ll stay that way, and I’ll be as cold and distant to you as you were to me.

I’m so detached and busy living my life at this point that even if she was to come to me now and tell me I could have parental responsibility and my name on the birth certificate – things I tried hard to get for a long time – I would tell her she can stick them up her a**.

Dan

It has become apparent that my ex is pregnant. It was my mum who told me, so I’m probably not supposed to know. It was a very minor shock at the time, but no more. I don’t really care if she’s pregnant, the only thing that has the potential to bother me is that it may in some way alter the dynamic at some point in the future as to me seeing my child.

I had my own child’s entrance into the world taken from me, which means none of this can touch me. My child will have a brother or a sister and I’m happy for him, but as for my ex and the fella, I’m completely indifferent. What I’m trying to say here is that I’ll find it very difficult to congratulate them or “be happy” for them. Why should I be so, or even pretend to be, after the nightmare that was my experience of having a child with her? Ultimately I’ll always feel the same way – with deep contempt for her about what I went through.

I guess they may get married some day and be all happy families etc, but I won’t care because I’ll be a rich bachelor seeing lots of hot young ladies (which is what I want). The funny thing is, she’ll likely be ironically regretful that I made all of it happen as a result of the pain I experienced at her hands.

Thanks Anita,

I’m not going to pretend either. I don’t know exactly what I’ll do as I haven’t officially been made aware of it by her, so I guess I’ll cross that bridge as it arises. I think the most likely thing is that next time I’m speaking with my son, he’ll tell me he’s going to be a big brother (this is what I’d prefer to happen, because then I can respond to him and not to her or her fella).

My son doesn’t know about how I feel and wont know either. You’re right about her already knowing my true feelings about her, and thus, there is no need to bring that stuff to the surface.

I don’t actually have any legal rights as I’m not named on my child’s birth certificate nor do I have parental responsibility. These are just a couple of the injustices I’ve been dealt at her hands, which in turn are contributory to why I hate her. There was a time when I was going to take it to court to have these legal rights but I decided against it after the first hearing as it helped nobody. I’m not willing to drag me and my sons name through court for anything. She hasn’t stopped me seeing him so I’m satisfied with that.

Even if she offered me my legal rights now I’d tell her to stick them, she’s too late. In light of her being pregnant again, if she gets married or whatever, I know she won’t change my sons surname (she told me this before) and it would cause a serious fallout if she did. I hate the idea of my son having and answering to a step-dad, in or outside marriage, so again I’m indifferent about that thought. As long as my son never tells me anything is wrong there will be no problems from me.

Like I said before I’m pretty much detached from everything to do with her and her life. This is how I like to deal with her after what she did to me – with minimal and completely emotionless contact.

I’m under no illusion of the things I’ve made happen since the beginning. With even more great things on the way in regards my personal and professional life.

As for my child, when the time comes I’ll be taking him to the store to buy his sibling gifts to take home to her/him. No matter what happens, that’s going to be my sons flesh and blood, and I’ll have no issues facilitating his love for them.

Deep down part of me still wants revenge on anyone she had sex with whilst pregnant with MY child, but thankfully none of those people are ever in my path way. Luckily for them.

Having said that I know I’m in a better place mentally these days than I was 4 years ago. I put much of it down to this entire experience though – all the hurt I’ve had is what has made me so strong.

Thanks Anita for your kind words once again 🙂