I'm to blame. I know this.

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This topic has 20 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 3 months ago by Anonymous.

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July 10, 2013 at 8:40 am #38347

Anonymous
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“I am really impressed by how potent your emotions are… its a very great thing! I know it seems more like a curse”

Definitely a curse. My emotions scare me. My emotions are not at the detriment of others, only myself. The sad part is, I’m not spontaneous with them. I think things out before I act on my emotions. Look at the consequences, the pros and cons. I then give myself, or deny myself, permission to act on them. Problem is, I continue giving myself permission to stick my hand in the fire and continue getting burned. I’ve always had a high pain tolerance, but this is ridiculous.

Plus side, I’m going through a metamorphic learning experience.

July 10, 2013 at 10:35 am #38352

Matt
Participant

Lara,

Well, perhaps instead of sticking your hand in the fire you could roast some marshmallows. They’re pretty yummy.

I’ve noticed when I’m in a pattern of suppressing my emotions, it becomes a “nothing or blert” kind of situation. Either I clamp down and nothing comes out, or I open up and pour and pour. After I release the pent up emotions, I can just play with them, flirt with them… like tossing a little nugget of love on the end of a stick and putting out there in the fire. If it browns and gets gooey, hurray! If it gets black and charred, its not a big deal because its only one failure, one overcooked marshmallow. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt

July 10, 2013 at 11:10 am #38355

Jade
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July 10, 2013 at 3:30 pm #38365

Anonymous
Inactive

Matt, make that smores and you got a deal. 😀

July 10, 2013 at 7:24 pm #38371

Anonymous
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Jade, sorry I didn’t see anything on your reply.

August 6, 2013 at 6:53 pm #39864

Anonymous
Inactive

I’d like to say I’m doing so much better. At At times I feel better and stronger, but I’m still struggling. I’m so angry with him and myself right now. I keep finding myself wanting to talk things over with him. Let him know how much he hurt me. I don’t think it would fix things and we’d get back together. I think I want some validation. I keep reminding myself that I was irrelevant, disposable, and meant nothing to him so talking to him about my feelings would only hurt me more. I want to know why he thinks I deserved that. Why do I keep letting the value, or rather lack of, that he (or maybe even my ex) gave me continue to define me. I know I’m a good person and I have a lot to offer, but not like this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
The saying goes, “you get as good as you give” is simply not true. I gave him so much of myself. I treated him special because he was. I always had time for him and never wanted him to feel like he was bothering me or wasting my time. I just want to get him out of my mind and out of my heart. Why would I want to hold someone so highly when I’m nothing to them. I have to be better than this. I deserved and deserve better.
I’m hoping in a few more weeks I’ll be able to report how great I’m doing. I’m ready to be healthy and happy.
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