Dear Nancy:

“I have always considered myself driven”- when you were driven, what were you driven to do at the time, and what was the social context of your drive (ex., a student going to school every day, socializing with other students)?

You shared that you completed a Bachelors in English Literature last year, and it was decided that June 2019- June 2020 will be the time for you to “sit at home and prepare for this exam”- reads to me that in the context of sitting at home preparing for an exam doesn’t work for you. Sometimes we make a plan that makes sense at the time, a logical plan, so it is the right choice in theory, but in practice it is the wrong choice. We can’t know ahead of time that it’s the wrong choice, so the best way of making long term choices is to evaluate it over time, to check if it is working for you in  practice. If it’s not working for you practically, then adjust or change the plan.

“However, last whole year has been a disaster.. I have studied so inconsistently.. I have seen myself repeat the cycle of starting things up.. getting demotivated, then.. nothingness and worthlessness, then starting again”-

– the plan to sit at home June 19-June 20, was a quick decision to make. It took me a few seconds to type what I italicized here, these few words. But to follow this plan in practice takes much longer than a few seconds. It takes hours in each and every day, six or seven days a week, 30 days a month, month after month… the plan was not a good plan for you. It should have been changed instead of you remaining stuck in a plan that doesn’t work for you.

This kind of plan (a difficult plan for anyone, I think) required a secondary plan maybe: a plan to help you study alone for so many hours, day after day: daily exercise routine, meditation, a social life.. but if you did implement these things and you were still unmotivated (“I know.. the tools to help me.. exercising, meditation”), then indeed the plan was the wrong plan for you.

Time to abandon the plan, I say. What do you think?

anita

Dear Nancy:

I will reply to you when I am back to the computer in a few hours.

anita

@Anita- But what if even socializing like enrolling in a classroom course doesn’t make any difference.I am in exactly the same situation which Nancy is going through. I am already pursuing a classroom course but still no difference.