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I’m Starting To Feel Like I’m Losing Myself

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  • June 23, 2020 at 7:12 am #359297
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear simon:

    “he’s a great dad”- not if he conducts heated arguments with you and she can see or hear those arguments. And not if he has any part in making his daughter’s mother “always feel sad and mostly angry”. If he was a great dad, he would do all that he can to promote the mental health of his daughter’s mother.

    What you described, the dynamics between you and your boyfriend/ father of your child can be corrected if the two of you are willing to learn how to communicate peacefully. Couple therapy where the therapist teaches the two  of you how to communicate effectively and practice it in the therapist’s office, with her or his guidance-that would be best. If that’s not possible, then because I attended couple therapy myself, I will be glad to teach you all that I learned in couple therapy.

    Would you like to describe to me one heated argument between you and him: the circumstances, who said what first, what he said, what you said, what he did, what you did, best you remember?

    anita

    June 24, 2020 at 9:54 pm #359478
    GL
    Participant

    Dear simone,

    You’re not crazy. You simply love your boyfriend, flaws and all. And that’s okay. You just love him.

    But no matter how much you love someone, you need to learn to look at them as realistically as possible because you, yourself, need to decide whether the actions of the other person is safe for you, mentally and physically. Yet that also begs the question of whether you yourself understands the foundation for a healthy relationship.

    Have you discussed with your friends what a healthy relationship would look like between people? Or what an unhealthy relationship look like? Have you discussed how to have open communications? What the different type of relationships look like, from dependence to independent to interdependent? What it means to trust and respect your partner as they trust and respect you? That relationships are work in process so all the parties involved must put in the work for a healthy relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together?

    Your relationship with your mother is one thing, but your relationship with your relatives, friends and romantic partner is another. But humans have the tendency to copy what they learnt from their parents and paste that onto to any relationships they create with others.

    So, what are the foundations of a relationship for you? What is healthy and not healthy? List them out if you can.

    June 25, 2020 at 9:54 am #359515
    Tiffany
    Participant

    I’m very sorry to hear this. I agree with GL above – first ask yourself what does a healthy relationship look like to you? Then ask yourself are you getting these things from him, and also ask yourself why exactly is it that you love him so much? If it’s because of the time you’ve clocked, comfort, or fear – those are all the wrong reasons to stay when you’re feeling as miserable s you are on a daily basis. And thinking of your child – I grew up in a very volatile household with parents who fought all the time – it did not serve me well. I am SO much happier and so are they, now that they’ve divorced (10 years now). Best of luck <3

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