Dear Felix:

I would like to understand the nature of one of your father’s business, the “aquarium and fish” business: do you mean that your father raises fish and sells the fish to private aquarium owners, as well as aquariums and supplies?

Can you list the specific things regarding this business that you are embarrassed about?

anita

Dear Felix:

I read much of your previous posts in your other threads starting July 3, 2019 all the way to your most recent thread. These are my comments today:

1. You clearly express a poor self esteem. Self esteem is a person’s subjective evaluation of their own worth. A person with low self esteem shows characteristics like

Heavy self criticism (“I know this sounds pathetic.. I know this sounds dumb.. I know this doesn’t sound right but this is what I think”)

Hypersensitivity to criticism by others and fear of rejection (“Do u think she’ll be disgusted/ turned off when we meet for the first time later on? .. I saw that her family is.. in good relationship.. I’m afraid that this could be an issue .. that she could reject me due to my family relationships.. I’m also shy to day to let’s say my future girlfriend.. that my current occupation is doing aquarium business”).

Anger  (“I still hate god for ruining my dreams on having a rectangle body shape.. my dreams are already ruined and it’s not even my fault.. I don’t understand why this is happening to me. I even feel I can’t forgive god for this unfairness”).

Shame: (“I feel embarrassed as I can’t wear any sandals or shoes and if I stand in the wrong angle I even can be shorter… since I’m a kid and right now every time I meet new people I’ll feel pressured and feel confused.. whenever I see a girl which I find attractive.. I’ll feel shy to talk and even shy to look her in the eye, so I pretend to not care and start playing with my phone to avoid feeling shy… I still feel embarrassed of aquarium.. most people I know will always laugh at aquarium.. I really wanted to help with the business, but I keep thinking of embarrassment”).

* You express a touch of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, compulsively focusing on your height and a self perceived flaw (“I’m short and not good looking.. I hate my body so much as I’m very short.. Every day I look in the mirror I always feel like crying.. I can’t accept my height.. I still hate god for ruining my dreams of having a rectangle body shape.. I can’t accept that I’m the shortest boy”).

2. There is no easy cure for the above. It is possible to heal from these things but it is difficult to do and it requires a lot of time and ongoing effort, as well as help from at least one other person.

Healing will take facing reality (“I wanna escape reality”).

Healing will take accepting your body as it is, no longer feeling shame for it (“I can’t accept that I’m the shortest boy”), as well as accepting everything else about your life and circumstances that you cannot change, including your father’s two businesses, no longer feeling shame for his aquarium business.

Healing will take you no longer comparing yourself unfavorably to your peers (for being taller than you, or for their parents having office jobs or for having businesses like building materials shops vs your father’s aquarium business).

Healing will take you no longer focusing solely on getting a girlfriend, waiting and waiting for that to happen, not caring about anything else (Sept 9, 2019: “I can’t even think of continuing my parents’ business after uni as in my mind my objective is only to find a girl for me. And if I got one, I’ll have a motivation to think of continuing the business).

Healing will take you focusing on your healing, and on putting your education into use, if not by working in one of your father’s two businesses, then in working elsewhere.

anita

Dear Felix:

“My swallowing disorder doesn’t make me eat less, I can still eat a lot regularly by using water on each swallowing process. I don’t know why I have a weak stamina”- in a previous thread you shared that you don’t chew your food, that you consume liquid food/ food that doesn’t require chewing.

This is from www. healthline. com/ nutrition/ drinking with meals: “digestion starts in your mouth as soon as you start to chew your food. Chewing signals your salivary glands to start producing saliva, which contains enzymes that help you break down food”-

– if you don’t chew, your salivary glands do not produce saliva and the enzymes required to break down the food. So even if you consume enough food, much of the food may leave your body undigested, so the nutrients and calories in that food don’t stay in your body. Therefore, you may be malnourished.

One other concern: maybe drinking too much water with food interrupts its digestion in the stomach, also causing the nutrients and calories in the food to not be released to your body, therefore you don’t have much energy.

I read your second post where you wrote: “I really wanna explore more.. but I  know as I’m a lazy person”- to explore more you need to be well nourished and have more energy. If you fix your nutrition, you will be healthier and more energetic.. and maybe not lazy at all.

anita

Dear Felix:

“I also feel that I’m unlucky because I have to continue their business and go back to this hometown after finishing my uni abroad.. I feel so bored in this town.. I really wanna explore more.. I still can’t find a girl for me here… Is this me being selfish or that I’m still not matured yet?”-

– no, I don’t think that this is you being selfish and immature. I think that it’s fine if you don’t go back to your hometown after university, and if you don’t work in any of your father’s businesses-  and instead you explore life elsewhere.

Here is where maturity comes in: you have to find a way to live elsewhere and explore a different kind of life than the one that is waiting for you in your hometown. You have to find a way to finance a different kind of life. You have to plan your new life step by step, and make the plan happen.

Fixing your possible malnutrition can be part of such a plan.

anita

Dear Felix:

If I understand correctly, you are saying that your friend told you that you “should explore life more”, meaning not live with your parents and continue your father’s businesses, but live away from your parents, getting a job of your own. You agree with what he said, but you are afraid that if you tell your parents that you want to live away and get a job elsewhere, they will be angry at you.

If that’s what you meant in your recent post, then my input is that if you find a job and are able to financially support yourself living away from your family, you don’t need them to agree with you: you can make your own way in life regardless of their agreeing or disagreeing with you.

anita