I have felt like that myself…PLEASE Dont give up…. one thing that I have learnt in life, is that you just have to be yourself – and try not to worry about what others think of you. You just cant please everyone all the time, it is way to hard on you, and you cant make people like you – they either do or they dont. I dont have the answers either, but please know that I am sending you a hug too.
Try not to be too hard on yourself.. (I know that is easier said than done)

Hey Carl,

Sorry to read that you’re having a tough time. I know it’s exhausting trying to be everything to everyone. I had tried to do what you have done and be everything to everyone. I can definitely appreciate and agree with what Aly has given you for advice.

I think it’s great that you are taking time for yourself to move and experience how others’ live. You aren’t doing anything wrong Carl. Can’t be hard on yourself or compare yourself with others, some people are better at hiding what is really going on with them. I think you have found what is stopping you in your tracks, the depression. Depression is not an easy thing to overcome. There are plenty of people out there who are suffering from it, just on different scales and with variations of it. The key question is: what do you want to do about it? Not everyone is ready to ask for help with depression, but are you?

There are no quick-fixes for your situation. It will take time and patience on your part. You will have good days and bad days. Imagine your best friend came to you and asked you for your advice about this, what would you tell him or her? This is what you should tell yourself. Be your own best friend, love yourself and be there for you. You are already on your way Carl, you have already said what you don’t want, now is the time to make those changes for yourself and be who you want to be.

I still find myself struggling sometimes, but I have come to realize that I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got, and that is all that matters. 🙂

I hope you find some peace and love for yourself.

Lucia

Hi Carl

I’ve felt the same for a very long time, and while it isn’t going to be easy you can find your path. I was able to change my life and if you need someone who’s been there before to listen then I’m here for you. Above all else be kind to yourself and stay strong.

Carl,

I am sorry to hear about your struggles. With a world and the upcoming generations becoming mroe self centered, we end up feeling like lone fish fighting a powerful upstream battle. The thing is that we do have these events of doubt and they can last a long time. We need to get out of our heads and our insecurities. This of course is easier said than done however if we find that little piece of hope, slowly, a silver lining can be achieved.

The way to do this is to think of three things at night to be thankful for. They don’t have to be big, for example last night my three things were 1) I had the ability to get out of bed (I work in a hospital and see many of my patients not being able to do the simple act of brushing their own teeth, so this is somethign I am very thankful for) 2) I am thankful I can make coffee (I am deployed and I just got a coffee maker and this simple little thing is a huge blessing that makes me feel like I’m at home) 3) I’m thankful I have this website to get inspiration. The three things to be thankful for can be simple, to complex and it helps you see the beauty in everyday encounters.

Another thing you should try is writing letter to yourself about what you are feeling, what you are doing, and where you would like to see yourself in a few weeks or months (goal setting. Keep this letter with you and read it 3 or 6 months later and see where you have improved areas of your life and identify strengths and weaknesses.

Modern day society makes us so self centered we rarely do anything but think about ourselves, try to do something for a stranger, again, simplicity is key. you can smile at a stranger, say hellow, give a compliment, or if you do want to make a difference, help out a stranger with a flat tire (etc.) or volunteer at a shelfter. If we think about the thigns around us and appreciate the beauty in each situation, hope begins to trickle in.

Keep your head up!
S. P

Carl,
I can relate to the “people pleasing” and “perfection” ways of living. I have done both for most of my 58 years. At a very age, living with a sick mother, I learned the way to someone’s heart and possible approval, was to try to make them feel better. So that lead me to the realization that I was meant to be a nurse. Off I went to nursing school a the ripe old age of 31 with 2 children.
Becoming a nurse was one of the hardest, but most rewarding day of my life and to this day, I am proud of the nurse I am. I done many types of nursing and helped people in many ways and I have always learned and received much more than I gave through life experience and wisdom.
But having the personality of a “nurturer” or “people pleaser” or perfectionist – is an exhausting journey. Mainly because we put ourselves somewhere very low on the list of people we want to help and keep happy..
I am not sure how old you are and how long you have been at it – but I can share that dealing with the emotions of life ARE depressing. If you surround yourself with people who need help – you will be swimming in life of “what everyone else needs”.
I have learned over the years that although my work is important, and I get extreme pleasure out of helping people, if I don’t put myself high on the list of caregiving – I can become resentful. I become depleted and there is nothing left for me. Then I get angry because I feel people should offer support and help the same way I do. Which is certainly not true. I know we are not supposed to expect, anticipate or judge others and their decisions in life. But I have found that people generally do not want to change even if they identify behaviors and beliefs that keep them stuck. I see change as an opportunity – every day of my life – to do something different – learn from my mistakes and move onto a more “skilled” life. Meaning my coping skills get sharpened and refined. Of course there are times things happen and you are brought to your knees. That happened to me a year ago when my oldest daughter, 33 years old was diagnosed with MS less than a year from her wedding. Talk about anger and depression! I felt sort of betrayed, that I had spent much of my life in “service” of sick and helpless people, then realized that most people do not return the favor. Not that we should live our lives looking for paybacks, it just seems that good karma should great good karma, right?
Anyway, I have come to think of all my relationships in a very different way. I no longer see myself as the hero. People will change only when and if they are ready. I might be able to plant “a seed” of truth – from something I see by observing and listening to their process. After that, then I let go of the outcome (or try). It is up to them to assimilate the information. I bless them and hope they begin moving forward toward healing – either emotional or physical.
At every brick wall we hit in life, we have the option to do something! Everything changes, so the good news is the intensity of the situation begins to lighten it’s grip, then usually we can take a couple of breaths and start to think clearly and move on.
I still love to nurture and care for people – I just don’t take much stock in the outcome. And I certainly try, whenever I can, to put myself at the top of the list.
Maybe if you can define what makes you depressed, you can look at how you have reacted to the challenges in your life. Maybe it’s time to look at your strategy because I have learned that no matter how well I deal with adversity – it keeps right on coming.
Blessings