Thank you Niu for your kind words. Means a lot.

I do find if I think too far ahead it sends me into a panic attack, so reading what you learned really gives me hope that I can just learn to stay in the now. Thinking of things used to be, really hurts and makes me miss him like crazy and over think too much – Why everything has changed? What do I do wrong? etc.. I am tired of blaming myself, even though I am all at fault, obviously how I handled stuff didn’t help the situation. Ahh , acceptance … 🙂

I give myself permission to cry but once the tears stop, I’m making myself get up and do something so I don’t feel so bad.

Our paths will cross though work so ending it for good isn’t a great option but what I can do is detach and make myself not care. Over time it’ll get easier and actually the more of a jerk he is to me it’s made me realize that I cannot have someone in my life who treats me so poorly. Thank you for saying I”m worth it! I do believe this but he’s certainly taken a bite out of myself esteem.

Thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart. All your advice and kind words have sunk in and after spending 3-4 days in total pain – And I mean body aches, physically hurting, yesterday I just woke up and realized WTF am I doing to myself??? HE IS NOT WORTH this pain and heartache. His loss if he doesn’t want me in his life. I texted him a few days ago to wish him a happy thanksgiving and he did not reply back. Been 2 days and it just hit me. I’m numb, not hurting at all. I feel peace and a weight lifted off of me! Glad to say, I am DONE. He will not break my heart again, won’t make me cry. I meant something to him a while ago, but not anymore. I love and care about him but we’re not on the same page and sharing a connection anymore. Who cares why it changed, fact is, it changed. I am so sick and tired of trying to figure out what was going through his head, why things were going badly, why he was treating me like crap and ignoring me, then do the push/pull game… Well, he can go find another person to do that to. I’m going to be okay without him, I have great friends and distraction now to keep him out of my head space.

I wish him well, wish him the best and am thankful I shared good times with him, and he’ll always have a spot in my heart but he and I cannot be friends anymore.

Acceptance feels really amazing!!

A month later, after lots of grieving and detaching, crying and anger, even hating him for a while, there’s some peace of letting go, I am done. Done for good. I feel numb and nothing. Like he didn’t exist and it was all a dream.

One day I will look back and smile, remember some great memories, but not now, not for a long time. This man I truly thought was honest, genuine, caring and a real friend. Maybe for a little bit he cared, but as soon as he didn’t ‘need’ me anymore, he did a 180 on me. In the past month I’ve found some stuff out about him, he isn’t the person I believe him to be. The way he has treated me, cut me out of his life, ignored me, is disgusting. I realize now is a player, a user and a narcissist. This is his loss, not mine. I got tired of blaming myself, being up on myself, feeling bad, sad and losing self esteem. All for what ? Someone who isn’t even worth it. It’s sad on some level and I pity the ‘new’ girl (he hid her from his many other girls) he’s with now. She won’t believe anything anybody has warned her about him, apparently we’re all wrong. She’s going to get her heart broken and stomped on. Only a matter of time (that’s his pattern) before this happens.

Reading here, helping others, googling on how to heal,reading baggage reclaim, and of course relying on friends to help me through this as well, has got me to where I am now. I thank all of you who have reached out.

I promise to those really hurting — It gets better! Allow yourself to go through all the stages of loss, reach out and talk about it, as much as you need to. Don’t give up on yourself. And it’s really important to not beat up on yourself! That just pours more salt on the wounds, so be good and love yourselves through this painful process. It serves no purpose to make yourself feel worse than necessary.

One day I won’t care at all but I would like to give him a piece of my mind. He isn’t worthy of hearing anything I have to say. Actually it probably wouldn’t phase him or make a difference, I’d be banging my head against a wall.

Thanks again to you all.