@Craig you are right.  But it makes me so anxious thinking I’m might not ever get a man of my choice.

@Anita yes I find him unattractive and thought of intimacy makes me cringe .I’m not even comfortable holding hands.But I like talking to him without any romantic tinge but I know it’s hard for him. I feel so guilty for using him emotionally when things were fough between me and my boyfriend.  But he tells he had fair idea things were not good between me and my boyfriend and he was secretly hoping to be with me so I don’t have to feel bad because he had an agenda too.

I don’t know may be they both are not for me .

Hi Anita

I’ve been every straight to him since becoming. I told him I can’t connect and feel anything and physical touch makes me awkward.  I was wondering what is this  I really like talking to him,  sharing my thoughts , expressing anything to him.I laugh a lot when I’m around by. But I never get a feeling to get close or intimate.

May be I’m like talking to him because  I had a emotional void and he is good ears . He makes me feel most beautiful and desired .

But I just can’t get close to him . And I’m afraid if I take a decision based on my anxiety of future and be with him , I may regret later in life and its not even fair for him

Hi

Thank you again.  I’m very practical in life . The breakup caused more pain and suffering to my boyfriend than it caused to me . I was able to gather myself in few days and live my life fully . Ofcourse there are weak moments when I break down and it happens to him also . He still keep my  pictures and and keep looking it at he tells me .  I think I’m able to move on provided I feel right about a man  but with this new man I just don’t feel it in me and he is looking for a marriage  . What if i regret my impulsive decisions and spoil our lives.  It’s not like I would be breaking up if I dont feel right later because marriage makes things more complicated.

Certainly there is a tiny hope in me regarding my future with my boyfriend but I’m rational enough to kill it provided I meet a man who I will look forward spending my life.

Hi Anita

He knows  for sure I don’t like him touching my hands etc.  But I didn’t tell him it’s because I’m not attracted to him ,ofcourse I don’t want him to lose his self confidence . He thinks I’m cold generally which is not the case I’m a sucker for  intimacy otherwise. But him I just can’t  . Usually my past records I get attracted to me as quick as possible but whenever I take more than few months  it’s just not for me. But some part of my brain tells me he is a catch otherwise expect for my feelings   (Sorry for being so calvulative ) but at the same time I wouldn’t use him for secure my life when I know wouldn’t be able to justice with him or the marriage.  I’m anxious about future that’s why cant let him go in my head and at same time my whole body mind heart doesn’t accept the idea of being with him .

Thank you Anita for your reply again.

Yes your are right, I don’t want to lose the possibility does that make me a awful human ?

But he knows my past relationships and how close I was with them so obviously I’m capable of loving and being intimate  he knows that.  But I just told him I generally don’t like being clingy just so that he gives me enough  space.  He was  trying since there were no major problem with me and my boyfriend.

And he as himself rejected so many women in past and some of them were beautiful so he knows when it doenst click it doesn’t .

But now I feel like a terrible person . I wish I wasn’t anxious  about future and on top my family and close friends fueling my fear .

Hi dear

I’ve had generalized anxiety disorder before but I can say now it’s over . I much under control and just have usual anxieties like all peole have.  But one by product of this is I’ve developed a very strong defence mechanism that Im trying to guard myself all the time. I just can’t lie down and see future unfolding when I don’t have any idea what it would be.  But I want to tell  you it’s not very excruciating like  I can escape these feelings.

The main anxiuouseness is the peer pressure like when people around me are getting married and all.

My family fuel the fear by reminding me how in all these years I missed good offers from many men and Ive done it .  But I dont regret because i know I won’t be satisfied with any of them  .

And my friends tell me how this new man is good for me blah blah and how my life will be comfortable.  Some even tell me I don’t have to love him because it doesn’t matter all you need is a good man and good security but I know it’s not like that…our internal satisfaction is very necessary for our well being.  I can’t live a lie . It’s a huge risk  .