Thanks for responding Anita.

Yes, perhaps I did come to the wrong conclusion with regard to my ex. I hadn’t thought of that and it is a very good point.

His main concerns regarding having children seem to be the sleepless nights and a loss of freedom. A lot of our friends who want children have had them now and do seem to relish telling us all the horror stories (and very little of the ‘good’ stuff). This really seems to scare him and I think he just likes things how they are now. He does enjoy being with ‘some’ children, but doesn’t seem to have much tolerance for ones which cry or are high spirited. Neither of us have had a huge amount of contact with children anyway. I am an only child and there aren’t any children in my family or his (we are the youngest generation). However, what I did learn from my last relationship was how unconditionally I could love a child. I feel that if I could love children which aren’t my own, even when they didn’t like me (or rather what I represented as a ‘step parent’), then it must be magnified with my own biological child(ren). I realised I could take both the rough and the smooth. It made me realise that I had the capacity to be a parent. Maybe he doubts this in himself (as I did a few years ago)?

My partner seems to have had a very happy childhood. He is close with all of his family and loves visiting them. He hasn’t mentioned any trauma except from bullying in his mid teens.

Hi Anita. Thanks again for responding and helping me decipher things.

I understand what you are saying about more intense doesn’t necessarily mean better in the sense of being a mother. I have an intense relationship with my mum and one that I don’t always feel is very healthy. It was only after therapy that I considered being a mother myself.

I think you are right about him not being interested. At least for now, but maybe ever… He cries on occasion, usually if cry or am upset. I don’t really see him cry otherwise. He is low spirited usually when he feels overwhelmed at work and/or tired. I think he might see children as another source of stress which he can’t cope with. He likes to have things a certain way and is quite particular. I can see that maybe children are a scary unknown quantity for him. I don’t think he can see any positives or the point of having children. As you say, there is a September deadline, but maybe I already know the answer…