Hello, this is my first post. I’ve been on this site now for a few weeks and I’ve read many posts and I’ve read and personally experienced many of your stories. I have learned so much already from all the wonderful replies and advice people have shared. Thank you for sharing. I would like to share mine and hopefully receive some good advice.

To make a long story short, mine is about a breakup. I fell in love with a woman 3 years ago and we had lived together for about 2.5 years. About 2 months ago we broke up and she moved out. There are 2 reasons for our breakup. The first one is because she has been struggling with school. She has failed a class twice and she blames our relationship and my wanting to spend time with her as the reason. She can literally spend all day until midnight doing her homework M-F and sometimes weekends. She is very smart but this one class has been difficult for her. The second reason for our breakup was because I made huge financial decision without discussing it with her. I bought a very luxurious car. In my defence, she supported my decision but in reality this was the ending blow to our relationship. She has a daughter, and when I bought the car it was a red flag for her that I was not ready to be the man she was looking for. I know what she means but she never revealed how she really felt about it. Had I known it would end our relationship I would have never gone through with it. But of course, there is the possibility that I would resent her for not allowing me to have it. So I can understand where she is coming from. This is the root of my situation.

When she first moved out, she said it was because she needed to focus on school and that we would move back in together after 6 months when she graduates. But after getting my car, everything started to shift around that. I have expressed to her that this car means nothing to me and that she means the world to me. I am willing to sell this car to prove it and that I can change my priorities to be the man she wants me to be. I’ve wrote her emails explaining that I know what I did wrong and that I am willing to change to keep our relationship alive. But our relationship has only gotten worse. We keep flip flopping between working things out and breaking up for good. And then not talking about our feelings and how to move forward. She keeps dodging me when I want to discuss our relationship and how we should talk about it. She is cold and distant most times. But when we find time to be alone she allows me to kiss her and hold her. She never pushes me away or tells me to stop, but I sense her hesitation. Sometimes when I am sweet to her, she does kiss me back. Those are the moments that I hang on to that tell me she doesn’t want to move on either.

In all honesty, I have become quite bothersome for her. Not to the point of being a stalker but I try to setup dates or outings so we can be together 1-3 times a week. I know she has to study but it feels like she is avoiding me at times. She will even lie and make things up just to avoid me. We are at the point where she can’t even text or email me. She says she is busy, but I know she texts her friends all the time. She is a kind person. She does not have any malice in her heart. I’m so very confused. What I have revealed here is only the tip of the iceberg. I’ve made mistakes by not giving her the space she asked for. But I can’t help it, I love this girl.

I’m afraid if I don’t try everything I will lose her. She is the type of women that won’t initiate anything. It has always been that way in our relationship. The only time she initiated anything was our first kiss. I feel like she is waiting for me to prove it to her but at the same time she has so much on her plate. At times I do feel she is trying to make time for me and other times she’s just not sure. I know I should give her space and do the no contact thing. But it’s just so hard. She knows that I haven’t given up and she hasn’t told me to move on either so we’re sort of left in limbo.

I am working on being compassionate about her needs. These past few weeks I have been trying to meditate and shift my focus to live in the present but it’s so hard. Literally every moment of every day I’m thinking about her, our relationship, what I did, and what I can do to fix it. There are rare times where I do find clarity and I feel centered. When I am in that state we seem to get along. I try to prolong them as much as I can but it never lasts. What I want is to be able to give her the space she needs but I want to be able to stay clear in my thoughts and be in the present. But if I don’t see her once or twice a week I feel so empty and my thoughts overwhelm me. I know I’m being selfish and I don’t want to be. I wish I could just let her go and maybe she’ll realize we do belong together.