Hi Bluesses

Thank you for sharing your story, it hit home for me in so many ways. I hope you don’t mind but I will share my story with you, I’ll keep it short.

Just over a year ago I split up with my partner of 5 years. We had a long distance relationship and only saw each other at weekends and during holidays. While we both accepted that as the situation we talked about the future and eventually moving in with each other. The real problem though was that there were many things wrong in our relationship. There were things about her that I didn’t like, I’m sure that were things that she didn’t like about me too. As you say, there are two sides to every story. She was quite brash, very matter of fact. Maybe practical as you have described your boyfriend. For a lot of the time it felt like there was a wall between us that was difficult to break down and she wasn’t very generous with her feelings. This is the complete opposite to how I am as a person. We didn’t really communicate our feelings to each other unless things were going wrong. So we effectively grew apart. I should point out that we also had some amazing times together and there were also a lot of things I liked about her, it wasn’t all bad.

A few months after breaking up we got back together because we both missed each other terribly. That was March 2014. We vowed to communicate our feelings more. Up until a month before Christmas things we were going really well but then we slipped back into the way we were before. The wall was still there and it was difficult for me to penetrate. I started having negative feelings about the relationship again and I suspect she did too. But again, we never communicated how we felt to each other. For the most part, I didn’t feel comfortable about telling her how I felt as she did get quite defensive and I just felt like I was walking on egg shells most of the time.

At the beginning of this year we split up again and on reflection it was inevitable. Neither of us really wanted to break up but both felt that it was probably the best thing for both of us. During that last month before Christmas I actually felt quite unhappy being in the relationship. Despite all this, I still miss her but I do know deep down that it is the right decision for us.

I am not going to tell you not marry your boyfriend, that is your decision. My question though is, if you do marry him what do you think will change? If you’re tired of it now how will you feel once you have made the commitment of marriage?

If there is something fundamentally wrong with a relationship, like there was in mine, then it’s unlikely to last in my opinion. If it does last, you could end up being unhappy and unfulfilled by it and life is too short for that.

I hope that helps and I’m sure others will come along with more advice.

Good luck

Andy

• This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Andy.

You hate to be micromanaged and he is a control freak. This is going to be a long hard road.
I like Kelly’s question.