Hi Ayrton,

well, I was very moved to read your story as I find a lot of things in it that I can relate to – although I’m a lot older than you. What you are going through is maybe more common than it appears to be to you right now.   I know what you mean about observing others who seem to find their path in life early on, and then just get down to following it.  As someone who has tried a LOT of things (some with more success than others), and had a lot of ups and downs in life – I feel I can say, some of us take longer than others to find where it is that we ”fit”.  since I only have five minutes left on this public library machine I will say one thing that could help you a lot: get to know yourself, what youre good at and what motivates you. do this like its your job, approach it seriously and use all the tools you can find on and offline to help you. Take as long as you need, the more comprehensively you do this one task – the more it can help you. I reccommend What Colour is Your Parachute by Nelson Bolles, the back section. Ignore the religious section if need be. The rest of the book is excellent value, no matter what your spiritual beleifs are. This book comes out nearly every year, because its full of useful techniques to know yourself better – and hence help you to choose the direction (s) in life that will most benefit you. But also ask people you come across too, ask anyone that you think might help you with a story about what they did to get through a similar difficulty. All the very best to you!

Dear Ayrton:

Yes, I can relate and will share more with you if you reply to my post. At this point, this is my input:

It is needed, for your mental health, that you abandon your goal, dream, expectation “to change the world and be remembered for years to come”-

the chances of this happening is extremely small, statistically speaking.

It is possible that a name will get a person to “be remembered for years to come”. An example when that happened: George H. Bush was president of the U.S.  His son, George W. Bush was also president of the U.S. His brother, Jeb Bush was governor of Florida and a candidate for the presidency of the U.S. It was possible for the second and third Bushes to gain political power because of their name and connections: they had accessibility to positons of political power.

But in your case, you only have a name. A name is not enough. It is only… a name.

This name you have is keeping you a prisoner in unrealistic expectations. Maybe you were happy before when in school because it was not time yet to … live up to your name. But when it was time to go to college, it was time to live up to the name, to justify it.

Problem is, any small achievement pales in comparison to the very high, unrealistic expectation, so why bother. When your aim is to become famous enough to be remembered for years to come, nothing short of an earth breaking achievement counts. And so, you give up on achieving those and end up doing nothing.

In reality, your name is only that… a name, not a destiny.

anita

Dear Ayrton:

You wrote: “I want to be able to wake up in the morning and feel a sense of purpose and a drive to get up and do what I am meant to do in my life…  I love so many things but there isn’t anything where I think oh I would love to do that for the rest of my life.”

You wrote earlier: “I believe I am spending too much time in my own head”-

My input: yes, you spend too much time in your own head, thinking a whole lot. Problem is a few of your basic thoughts are incorrect, that is, not congruent with reality, so all the thinking, the massive thinking doesn’t get you anywhere productive because it is based of a few faulty assumptions.

A couple of the faulty assumptions are in the quote started this post with. You assume that there is something you are “meant to do in (your) life”. This is a belief in destiny, in being born with a pre-programmed life, a singular passion that is there already and for you to discover. But it is not so.

There is nothing you are meant to do. There is no singular passion waiting to be discovered and be actualized for the rest of your life.

The idea of a singular passion is one of those things people believe that exist but very rarely does it exist. Most people wing it or if they hold on stubbornly to the idea that there should be a singular passion, then they feel there is something wrong with them and they get stuck doing nothing. Or ending up in the same place again and again.

Let me know, if you will, what you think so far about what I wrote to you.

anita

Dear Ayrton,

I can’t help reading your post and wondering why you hold yourself back so much. ” I enjoy trying things but I still don’t know which one it is that I want to pursue.” and “I move away to Canada in 3 months but I worry that me moving is me running away from the miserable life I have back home.” Just taking out a few words and making an edit, we have this:

“I enjoy trying things.” and “I move away to Canada in 3 months and I get a new environment”

You think too much Ayrton. Just keep things simple and don’t look to far into the future. Things will play out.

Hi Ayrton,

Just my two cents. I read your post and can relate to some things. Culturally, I come from a place where people who knew my family background viewed my successes based on who my parents are. And when I didn’t do quite so well I would get the question of “how come I wasn’t like my mum/dad in doing x”. I’ve also been through some personal experiences where I have wondered why I wasn’t good enough, and I’m personally working through those issues.

You’re currently 21, and at the age where a teen turns into an young adult and tries to figure out what they want to do with their life. Some of us feel more acutely that question of what we want to do with our lives. Take myself for example – I have a job, however on a bad day at work I do wonder if the job I am doing right now is really what I want to do for the rest of my life. (Like you, I have many interests.) I acknowledge that I sometimes feel my goals are out of my reach, and I reflect a lot on how I should remain committed to my goals. Besides, the world is also changing, and nowadays people do change jobs from time to time, so there’s nothing wrong if you’re at the age where you still need to explore things.

As you are going to Canada for 2 years, there may be job opportunities there? You’ve written that you want to help people and working with kids rewarding, so perhaps a peer support or social worker career at this point in time might be something to work to? You could also consider enrolling in vocational courses instead of strictly college/uni at this point in time. Different people have different learning styles, so you may be a more ‘hands on’ person compared to an academic grades based person.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. On the positive side, you are actively thinking of what you want to do for your future. There are some people who don’t care about their futures.

Ayrton Senna is Ayrton Senna, and you are you.

Take care, H.