Hi there Jayaseelan. I just wanted to let you know how incredibly brave I think you are just for asking for help. There are many more people than we care to think about who feel exactly the way you do right now. I’ve been in a very similar situation myself and so have other people. You just have to keep hanging in there for a while.

I know how hard it is to ask for help, and ironically how low many of us get before we can try to. This is you fighting those dark thoughts… Go you! You may not have realised it, but you’ve just made the first step towards healing your pain. That deserves congratulations!

This girl sounds like she came along at exactly the right time. She gave you something to live for when you needed it most. But it sounds like she has been cruel, and it’s natural to be devastated. You’ve been hurt, and what you’re feeling is perfectly normal.

Just try your best to remember how happy you felt, and understand that it was you that it was you that got yourself there. You found something that made you happy, and you chased it, fiercely. Good for you! A lot of people never learn how to do that. And you definitely can be that happy again. Your heart needs time to heal first though, don’t try to rush this, it’s not a quick process. Every day, little by little, you will find yourself thinking of her less and less. It may be only a few seconds at first, but these seconds will grow into minutes, then hours, then eventually days. Be kind to yourself while this happens, and when you can, try to do things that you used to enjoy. Even tiny things like sitting outside or making a meal are big steps, and you must congratulate yourself for doing these things.

Try not to torture yourself by visiting her house. Maybe she had reasons for doing what she did, maybe not. But don’t let yourself remember the good things, try to remember the things she did that irritated you too. It’s so easy to fall into this trap, and so many of my friends have done this, myself included. But you must believe that you just aren’t meant to be together. She gave you an important lesson, and you will be ok. One day, you will be able to help your friendly, or even strangers, through the same pain that you’re feeling now.

If you need more help than your parents can give (because, let’s face it, they’re you’re parents and will only want to protect you), then ask them to help you find it. I have every confidence that you will find happiness again, because you found it before.

Sending you love,

Abby

Hi Jayaseelan.
Please don’t give up n your self.
Look, the reason why you could not move on, you feel like hell everyday because it was all good.. You treated her like a princess and still, she hurt you like that. Ok, this is why you can’t move on.
_You’re confused..
_You keep thinking of all the effort you’ve made for her, how could she treated you this way. You asking yourself again and again the same question.. what have i done wrong?
_You didn’t get any comfort from her, no reassurance, no respect.. You want to at least an apology from her.
_You lingering on the memory because you were the happiest man ever being with this girl.
_You want an explanation from her, why did she treat you that way, why did she cheat and stuff.
Look Jay, if its the other way to move on, is to have all those questions to be answered… then do it. Sometimes, people can’t move on because they have no explanation why things did not work out…They need a real answer, something sounds right to be able to accept the situation then move on.
Jay, don’t think of suicide again. When you love again, make sure.. you don’t live for that person, make sure you don’t do anything in your life because of that person… Such, get a job because of her. NO! you need to get job for yourself Jay?? Why would you do that because of her? THAT IS WEAK! and don’r be weak… Are you a man?
Don’t live for a girl, you live for yourself, to make yourself happy and the person that comes into your life meant to share your world and her world together with you… DONT FORGET ABOUT YOURSELF when you are with someone else. Most importantly, don’t give your all to them.. Because, why? You are you, you will love her, be the best boy friend ever.. but don’t forget about yourself, don’t live for anyone. Live for you.
Im going through a break up too, and i also feel lost and confuse and have no motivation but i have to tell myself… what am i doing to myself? I was the happiest girl ever.
Think about your future Jay… You are only 27, you have so many years ahead to be a successful person, live a good life and deserve all the best.
Once you accomplish all that, your self esteem will BOOST! When you have a self esteem, you will attract ladies that likes you for how confident you are.
You ex girl friend obviously looked down on you, she knows your weakness… She knows she can move on and come back to you any time and you would be ok with that.
She has no respect for you, she cheated on you with for a better man. Someone that is probably making her feel like, she gotta play game with him, gotta chase him also… Woman enjoy the chase too, not just only men.. But you gave her your all at the start.
This is what happened to me, being too genuine, but my ex wasn’t a heartless person. We didn’t work out because i need a boy friend that is a man, not a little boy.
You gotta know what you want in life Jay.. I would like to talk to you more.
Please don’t give up on yourself, don’t ever think of committing suicide because of a girl who treated you like shit.
Jay, you don’t understand what a good life is yet, don’t waste this life… you have to live until you know what is happiness then you can die happy. Right now, sorry man. Life is precious, don’t just give up that easily…
Everyday, please go for a walk outside.. Breathe in and breathe out. notice things around you, there are beautiful things that is around you. The grass, the sky… everything! They’re so peaceful, and then you.. you’re with them. Don’t rely on anyone to bring you up, you gotta get up yourself Jay.
The moment you rely on anyone, you will get used to the habit and feel hopeless again.. But don’t bottle it, tell people how you feel get comfort then knowing that, people loves you Jay.
I dont ono you man, but you’re a great person. You have a lot of potential and you are not weak. You just let your emotion taking over.. act upon your head, not emotion. That bitch your ex, is not worthy for you to even think about seriously.
NO ONE is allow to disrespect you that way!
EVER!
Ok? Im happy to reply to you anytime.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Luna.

well, i completely agree with what the others said. I also want to add something else to this. Imagine this- suppose you ended marrying this girl and she made your life hell like before, by her cheating, lying etc After marriage in India, divorces are not easy and they never are anyway. So imagine, you would have been stuck with her for years, decades..who knows? These 2 years may have been shit but your whole hasnt turned to dust, right? You’re just 27 and you have decent education, work experience, good qualities. You’ll get way better girls than this one. She doesnt deserve you at all. Also, one word of advice- never accept such bad behavior again. I know pyaar is andha, but this is plain blindness to reality. Pick yourself up my friend. Life is much better without a toxic woman like that. Maybe you’ve taken time to realize it but atleast you did. Its not even that late! You can always start over but you have to make that effort and this time, you’ll have this experience to make you careful in how you let people treat you.

Good luck!

🙂 haha, thanks for clarifying that bit! love is universal though and so are good people!

All the best Jayaseelan, you’re gonna be fine in time.

Challenging times create tougher people. As for the getting up everyday bit, i will recommend keeping your sleep cycle intact. That actually worsened my mind-set when i started experiencing really bad times where i had to stay home without anything to do (job, school, no friends around etc). Additionally, when you get up, make sure you have a list ready, something to do so that your mind starts getting into that slightly focused zone. Its very troubling to wake up and feel like there’s no point to get up…its a terrible feeling and i have been there a lot.

I thought my life was over, made no sense anyway and i had messed up way too much…but the mind knows how to play its tricks on us when life sends us these shocks…funnily, after all the crying, numbness, negativity and breaking points, i forced myself to walk outside everyday, do some mundane tasks, pray, read specific things and keep busy in something…kept looking for opportunities, constantly telling myself that i must stay hopeful, i must believe for my sake. At that time, even living made no sense to me…No longer like that though.. I looked more into why i had become so troubled from inside and thought about some very vital questions on what i wanted from life as well…why i had such low self-esteem and how it could be helped…Even read “Boosting self-esteem for dummies” -_- i had believed for way too long that i wasnt any good. That time alone for the last few months forced me to go deep into the roots of that thinking process.

Actual situation still on the road to recovery but my resolve is back 🙂 All i can say is that this tough phase will teach you a lot about getting closer to who you are, what you really want and develop greater inner strength.

Good luck on your new journey.