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I'm in pain and in can't share with anybody

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  • June 30, 2017 at 10:17 am #155816
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear LoghanJ:

    I am and was not in a similar situation, but I was in many conflicting situations and you are definitely conflicted. I hope you will soon resolve your distressing conflict and have peace of mind.

    If you would still like my input although I am not in your specific situation, here it is (+ questions):

    You wrote: “I need to keep people under the impression that I know what I’m doing (otherwise why was the whole drama about?!)”

    What is in parenthesis should be out of the parenthesis, I think: what was all the drama about? If that love  was about a strong, intense, enduring love, leading to a court marriage, keeping it a secret while both of you living separately, having an abortion so to continue to keep the marriage a secret, then finally winning his family’s approval, finally living together, finally planning a family, how can it be that you have been (or still are) cheating on the man, still inclined to be physically and romantically with another man?

    You wrote that you “need to keep people under the impression” that you know what you are doing. But you don’t know what you are doing. Having a family with your husband while you don’t know what you are doing is not a good idea, neither is living the rest of your life for the impression of other people.

    And so, I ask: did you stop loving your husband sometime along the way and are you afraid that he will harm himself if you end the relationship/ marriage? What other fears do you have about ending the marriage?

    anita

    June 30, 2017 at 4:02 pm #155870
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi LoghanJ,

    It sounds like you are in the opposite situation as some people on this board. You love two different men, and it sounds like they both love you, too. That’s pretty lucky. It sounds like you are feeling uncertain and maybe a little guilty because your relationship with your husband has reached a plateau, and now you are starting have feelings for a co-worker you dated two years before. This longing for this guy and having to see him everyday is making you feel depressed.

    You shouldn’t feel bad about having feelings for other people than your husband, especially since you went through some tough times with him. Lately I have been trying to take a step back from the drama in life and look at it from a more neutral, lighthearted perspective. Yes, this relationship drama is going on in my life, but I am happy with other aspects of my life, with myself. I think if you are happy with the way you are living your life then everything else is sort of water off your back. Is there anything else about the way you are living that you wish you could change? I heard depression is a sign you are not moving on from something. You might want to make a list of things you want to change, choose one, and work toward a goal. That first step toward it is a great feeling. That’s progress, improvement, and I love that feeling.

    Anyway, I just wanted to hopefully infuse some hope into the situation. There’s a lot of possible things you can do. Choose the one that will bring you the most happiness (I think you probably know what that is), and then try to decide a sequence of events that will cause the least amount of pain for both men (and yourself). Good luck!

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