Is there anything you can pinpoint about where the fear is really about? Do you feel like this always?

Anxiety and fear is a “problem” since the dawn of time. Thousands of books and stories have been written about fear. Religions deal with fear.

If it’s really incapacitating you that much in life it could be useful to go to your doctor and get someone to talk to and maybe get some anti-anxiety meds. Even though medication is never the solution for long-term happiness, they might give you some short-term relief.

To start fixing the root of the problem you have to realize you can’t eliminate fear. Our response is a highly sophisticated survival mechanism, without it we would not be on the top of the food chain. The problem is that we look through life solely through the eyes of the ego. We identify ourselves as the ego(the defense mechanism), while the ego is only a part of us – it’s not the only thing we are.

The ego is trying to keep you save, but it’s very irrational. It will see dangers where there are no real dangers. In the case of social anxiety, it will see danger in social interactions. There were probably times in your life where you were emotionally hurt by things people said, your defense mechanism is simply trying to keep you safe from more emotional pain. That’s what it does, it’s trying to keep you alive. It makes no distinction between physical and emotional pain, pain is pain.

The only way you can truly eliminate the root of the problem is to transcend the ego. To fully “feel” that your ego is just one part of you, not the whole you. You can’t destroy the ego, and living solely through your ego will give problems as well. It’s really hard to give practical tips because I don’t know where you are on your journey, I don’t know you as a person. I can only encourage you to keep looking within. Go meditate, maybe yoga, read spiritual books, maybe talk to someone for guidance, read articles. Getting rid of your crippling anxiety will be a process, you will need to have several epiphanies to “cure” yourself. You just need to have faith that you can definitely figure this out eventually.

* Ben, please share more about yourself and your life, perhaps in a new thread?
anita

Dear David:

You wrote that a memorable life is one where you “actually feel like” you accomplished…

Actually feeling, is key. You wrote in your original post: “I started isolating myself from others around middle school.” and to this very day you are still isolated. When you isolated, shrank inside, went into hiding, turned inward and away from what is outside of you: people, experiences, the world outside, you stopped living in a sense. You stopped living a life at all.

You are craving LIFE, LIVING. Like you imagined others are doing so well (imagine… )- you need other people, you need to interact because you are a human, that is a social animal. You need to create things and relationships.. you need to come out of hiding, to stretch out, to straighten your back, come out of the fetal position, big and reaching.

How do you do that? little by little, not all at once. A little every day, just a bit. Like a child that learns to walk, one step at a time, fall and get up. Just from Here to There. Do not attempt to climb a mountain, cross a desert, swim across an ocean… just a tiny bit today. Then tomorrow, another day and another little step.

anita

You guys are right. I thought you were girls by the way you spoke haha but anyway, it doesn’t really matter.

I am 16 yrs old (will be 17 this year)

Our parents didn’t let us to go to school anymore in 6th grade so i haven’t finished elementary and high school so this will be really tough. Living in the middle east (not from here) it’s become quite isolating. I only lived with my family most of the time. Even my siblings weren’t able to go to school cause it was our parents’ decision. Financial problems. And around this time, i also became heavily brainwashed in an online cult. So my inferiority complex has worsen over time. Our isolating and boring life had a breakthrough. Even though we are always at home while our parents were working as well, our older siblings had worked on and off, we still go to parties where people from our native country were. So we did, and my dad met another guy. They became friends almost immediately. So we were invited to this guy’s house so we could take care of their 2 children as his wife was away from home. Since i’ve been living an isolating life, it was depressing but i still stuck to my hobbies so i’ve been happy a few times too. My mom was often yelling at us and complaining which i understand is my fault because i didn’t do the chores on time. Anyway, we lived at the guy’s house for 1 month or so. It was extremely draining yet it was also making me happy because i was tired in a good way. I felt satisfied. Eventually, i left the online cult i was in as i found out that the things they were doing were harmful. I left because i knew i was going to get kicked out anyway.

So after our stay in their house was over, it was almost as if i was going to be depressed again. There were no sunlight we could see in the house. As the windows were covered. I believe it is illegal to open and look outside the windows, that’s why we had to cover them for our own safety. We are only expatriates.

Maybe a few days or a week, we were invited again to another party. This time, my dad’s guy friend was there along with his family. His wife and their two kids. This guy which i call Uncle wanted to hire me as their helper at the house so he asked me to do it. I thought that was too much but i said “it’s fine” (i mean ‘i don’t mind’) and then abruptly left my seat haha.

Eventually, this guy and his family were visiting our house a few times (because they missed us), they were eating and we watched movies and all. It was fun but i had to prepare myself (take a shower, help out etc.) whenever visitors like them would come to our home. It was also uncomfortable as i was only putting up a front to make a good impression. I am extremely scared to be judged and i worry a lot if i do things wrong. So this guy (Uncle) asked my dad to share a house with them so they looked for good houses and they found one. Both families paid for one big house. “Both”

This was when it started to feel like hell. I tried to do things right every single day. Waking up early, helping out around the house, cleaning etc. But i started to feel burned out. It was getting harder and harder to keep up to what was happening. So i ended up being late with these things. I started to hear complaints about cleaning from Uncle. If i didn’t sweep the floor for like one day, he would say Oh you should clean here everyday, clean the living room, clean all of your stuff in the roof — even if i already did. The roof was supposed to be theirs but i have to admit, he needed to consider that i have a big family who needs a lot of space. We cannot fit all of our things in two small rooms. A part of me still do think they had that right to use the roof because my dad and uncle agreed to it. I tried my best to do everything right. Help out if i needed to. We even got our stuff stolen because of the maids they hired. But i was just there trying to think that the maids were good people.

I was getting depressed.. More and more through out my days. It just got worse. He always has to say some jokes that we shouldn’t be living together or because my dad’s children are lazy. Bravo ?

What a horrible environment to be living in. Then after a while, spending time with my hobbies started to die. I thought they werent thinking about the things i wanted to do and all they cared about was cleaning and themselves. I started to “not” go downstairs because my anxiety is getting worse. “When will they tell me something bad again?”

I see his look that says “i’m disappointed in you”… I was stuck with shame and guilt.

Then when they finally found a helper around the house, he stopped saying all these horrible things but a part of me was still scared of what’s going to be happening next. So i never went downstairs. I only eat almost twice a day because my anxiety is getting worse. I’m female so I felt so horrible when “that” time of the month came. I was screaming alone and wrathful.. Screaming out the pain and was crying. This happened a few months ago. I hurt myself with a pencil. And last night, i was thinking of dying but then i read things about failed suicidal attempts so that was very discouraging in a good way. I was there saying “Fine.. That’s kinda scary.. I don’t want that”

I really don’t like uncle paying attention to me. Wanting me to tell him “let’s eat” or greetings.. I really don’t want to do that. If i don’t, he’ll shame me for not doing it agh. I am a huge people-pleaser. Though, i think i’m slowly breaking it as i grow older. I am the type of person who takes themselves for granted. Morals and values, needs etc. Is what i leave to please someone else. I always have to cut a part of myself to be on the same level as my friends or anyone.

But at least i got to read this post after i woke up. I looked up some stuff and this is what i found. Thanks for sharing everyone ? I hope i can get a reply about my situation as well.