Okay so a bit of background on myself before I start; I come from a very, VERY Christian home. I’ve been a professing Christian for the entire 17 years of life I have been on this Earth. My dad is a theologist, studiest nearly every religion you can think of and knows quite literally any and everything there is to know about Christianity and those other religions. Anyways, I know a lot as well, but I have (as of a month ago) “left the Faith” because of a number of issues. It’s fear mongoring, there are contradictions in the Bible (also in the Book of Mormon, Qu’ran, blah blah blah, not gonna get into it) so I can’t rightly believe it. There is also the fundamental belief in epistimology that we cannot be sure of any truth. So no matter what amount of evidence we have, we cannot be sure of the valitity of Christianity.
I have been epxloring spirituality on my own, with only the help of people like Spirit Science, Vishuddha Das and various sources for things like sacred geometry, just using my own logical reasoning, and intuition (i think that’s the word) to sift out the truth. And I believe that there are truths in every religion out there on some level, but I have come to the conclusion that “all roads lead to God” whatever, or whoever God may be. I have no guides, and can’t even visit a spirit center for fear of being kicked out of the house (I move out in a year or so).
So, being a Christian, and in a Christian home for 17 years, you can imagine I’ve been brainwashed on some level. Basically, I’m fearful of Hell. The idea of Hell is already bad enough. Burining in a firey darkness for eternity? No thanks! (It’s not described as what pop culture has made it where you can party and whatever. It’s darkness, you can’t move, and it’s for eternity.) Not only that, but there are different levels of punishment in Hell for certain individuals who were supposedly “more evil” than another. I can’t find the verse, but basically there is a worse punishment for those who knew Christ, and chose to deny Him, which scares me.
Another thing is that in the Bible, when we sin we have our punishment on earth. In the duration of me leaving Christianity, I’ve lost my part time job, I’ve crashed my car, and got in trouble with my parents for lying to them. (I was drifting in the car, but I told them it was an accident, I swear my dad is Monk, he knew from the skid marks. Also my mum has taken many courses on how to read people lying with words, body language, etc. I’m a good liar, and they were able to tell this time) Anyways, I got a new job just in the past week so that’s good, but it’s made me afraid that this could possibly be evidence of a Christian God.
I need evidence that Christianity is false, because it goes against everything that I think people should be or practice (fear mongoring, telling people what to do/what not to do on arbitrary issues) but I also don’t know what happens when we die, then. I’ve been attempting astral projection for the past month with two methods a night (I do that by doing WBTB at like 3 am) and heard that the astral realm is the afterlife, or a way to the spirit realm, whatever that is.
Any feedback is much appreciated, sorry for the long post! 🙂