hello,i’m beginner too, how to create new topic?please guide me

Dear Grace:

“Its just the weird ones that have courage.. only a creepy kind of guy ever asks me out or is interested.. Any advice at how to start dating at 18?.. Anything would be much appreciated”-

– I suggest that you start your “beginning at it all” (title of your thread) by coming up with a definition for  “a creepy kind of  guy” and “weird ones”- maybe the two terms are the same. You are welcome to define these terms here, on your next post and we can take it from there.

anita

Dear Grace:

“one literally drive to my house and he sat in his car and texted me he was outside”- if you didn’t keep where you live a secret, if he – and others in the group- knew where you lived, and you knew where he lived, it doesn’t seem creepy to me that he texted you from outside your house.

“weird staring and awkward/ off putting conversations with others”- I don’t know if your awkward and off putting experience was because the guys were creepy, or because you tend to feel creeped. Know what I mean?

anita

Dear Grace:

I am trying to understand better, that’s why I ask you questions. Did you ever not feel “that clingy/ creepy vibe” by a guy who approached you and asked you out, and if so, what was different about that guy, or those guys?

anita

Dear Grace:

If you want to, add what happened with those two guys who approached you and asked you out, the two guys with whom you had good conversations: why did these two approaches did not proceed to you dating?  The more information and understanding you add/ gain relevant to your quest to “start dating at 18”, the better your chances are to start dating at 18, and make a good beginning at it.

(I will be back to the computer in about 14 hours from now).

anita

Hi Grace!

I’m not the best at giving advice, however what you’re struggling with is something i have also struggled with in the past. I was a virgin, never kissed or interacted with any guys really until i was 20. I was also very happy and content being single however you may find positive male attention can be fun, and of course these things are bound to happen at some point! With this being said i want to tell you something that I personally think is helpful and will hopefully make you feel more relaxed : awkward moments are essential, and you don’t have to feel awkward about them. Just go with the flow, communicate well, and don’t stress yourself out about it. I think the fact that you’ve already been able to turn down/ choose not to entertain the “weird” or “creepy” ones is great, you have your standards! If using dating apps isn’t something you already have tried i would start there. You don’t have to go on dates or meet anyone necessarily, but i think it’s a solid way to get comfortable communicating with men, although the in-person part is a whole lot different. Make sure you set boundaries and consent is in place when you do start testing the waters. I feel there may be more I could throw in here but i hope this could be a somewhat helpful start for you!

I’m glad! Contrary to popular belief, tinder is a good start i would say. I know everyone says “it’s just for hookups” but there are actually guys on there that want to just talk, be friends, take it slow, have a relationship, etc. Bumble is another decent popular one! It’s very important to make your intentions clear, but a lot of guys will ask you just about from the start what you’re looking for on there. You will come across those just looking to have sex or get you to send nudes and what not, and if you’re not down for it then just shake em off and try talking to someone else! Just don’t sweat anything out Grace, you’re young and will have plenty of time to experience and try things especially since you’re starting college. I’m sure with COVID-19 that will change a lot for now but in time i’m sure you will meet a ton of people and new friends that will shed a light for you also. I’m 22 and have been on tinder on and off since i was 16, and just recently deleted it again due to a new relationship lol. If you have any questions in regards to dating/ talking to guys I am here, and have tested the waters enough by now to be able to share some experiences and knowledge 🙂

Dear Grace:

I looked in your previous threads for anything that may be most relevant to your current thread, and I found this, which you shared May 28, 2018, more than two years ago: “I just seem to fake moving past things. I can’t seem to shake these things. They all have a toll  on my life. They’re holding me back.. I just can’t help but think about these things and feel sad about my parents and their relationships, letting  a new boyfriend or girlfriend of theirs in and them being there, and then 5 months later, not”.

You shared that you are the only child of your parents who got divorced long ago. Both your parents dated a lot after their divorce. In 2018, you were living in Texas with your mother and her fiancé (now husband, I think) in Texas, visiting your father in New York. You shared that you talked to friends on a group chat about your problems, “all I wanted was advice or someone to listen to”, but “in the end, I was just called an attention wh**”

I think that you are very lonely and have been lonely for a long time, for years. It is as if your parents have been too busy with their dating lives, other people, so even though you are their only child, you simply didn’t get enough attention.  I think it hurt you a lot that you were called “attention wh** when you did open up, so you closed the door on people. Most often you open up so very little on your threads, hardly open up at all.

I think the way for you to make “a beginning at it all” is to open up, maybe here on your thread (?), to really open up, more than ever before. I will not call you an attention ****, I promise. I will not criticize anything you share.

anita