Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→I'm a bad person and I know that
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September 25, 2018 at 9:07 am #227365MannyParticipant
Hey, i’m Manny and I’m 17. I think I’m a very selfish person, I even learnt that I might be “narcissist” I love talking about myself to my friends. You might think I’m just a normal teenager doing teen things but no. The thing is, I’m evil. I don’t keep up with my friends and when they get sad about it, I’m totally okay with that. Sometimes, just to make a good impression or since i love writing stories, I introduce myself to people (who i might have never wanted to?) and then i act my best to make them love me and then I leave them just to add that little sad portion in an interesting story. See? This is heartbreaking and it hurts now that I know I do this. Off lately I’ve kinda stopped this when I feel like I might hurt anyone but then I just end up being sad and feeling lonely.
I’m not even fully comfortable with anyone of my friends. I can’t be 100 percent open with anyone of them and I have different behaviors in front of different people. Some of my friends left me for this but it didn’t take a day for me to move on. I think I don’t have emotions sometimes. I would do my best to make a person happy but that wouldn’t mean I like them. I try not to take sides and be good to all of them even if that means I’m hurting a friend that hates the other person I’m being kind to.
So, I’ve a lot to say but I guess this much is enough for now. I seriously think you guys might be helpful. Thanks.
September 25, 2018 at 12:23 pm #227489AnonymousGuestDear Manny:
I will be able to read and reply to your thread when I am back to the computer, which will be in about fifteen hours from now. I hope other members will reply to you before I am back.
anita
September 26, 2018 at 6:02 am #227583AnonymousGuestDear Manny:
You wrote that you are “a very selfish person”, maybe a narcissist, and evil. The selfish/evil ways you listed are the following: you love talking about yourself, you’re okay with your friends being sad when you don’t keep up with them, act your best with people to make them love you and then leave them to “add that little sad portion to an interesting story”, not feeling fully comfortable/ 100% open with anyone, behave differently in front of different people, moving on quickly when friends leave you, trying to make people you don’t like happy.
You wrote: “Off lately I’ve kinda stopped this (what I italicized above) when I feel like I might hurt anyone but then I just end up being sad and feeling lonely”
I am thinking that maybe you are sad and lonely and have been sad and lonely for a while. Maybe someone was loving toward you and then left you, a mother, a father, someone important in your young life. Maybe the “interesting story” is your story and it has “that little sad portion” to it, that being left portion.
Being left does not necessarily mean being physically abandoned, it is often emotional, a parent being otherwise engaged, a parent’s priority being… not you. Is this the case?
anita
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