Dear Mina:
You wrote: “I do have the chance but does not have the passion.”
By chances you mean, don’t you, that you are young, only 19, in good physical health, pretty (as I understand it, from posts before), very intelligent and educated (from my evaluation), having a financially well-to-do parents, all these things are your chances, correct?
Reads good, who wouldn’t want to have these chances? Except that you didn’t add to those chances the less than favorable family dynamics you grew up with.
Now add these chances, chances leading to you having no passion and feeling great emotional pain, and then ask: who would want that life you are offering here?
Would I want your youth, prettiness, intelligence, education, financially well parents and your emotional pain as my life forevermore? No, I wouldn’t.
I wrote less-than-favorable family dynamics because those lead, I believe, to your suffering before you met your ex boyfriend and presently. I think you are so very attached to him because you are so lonely and have been lonely for a long, long time.
So when you wrote: “I would give my life for someone else to live”- you will be giving your family dynamics as well which will bring suffering to the receiver of this … gift you are offering.
anita