Hi Dreaming715,

One and only thing I can say about dating is the outcome will never be in your control ( by the way it goes for everything in life). IF ITS MEANT TO HAPPEN, IT WILL and if not, then no matter how hard you do EVERYTHING RIGHT, it won’t work. So, if its not in your hand, why try to understand men’s dating behavior as it leads to only more confusion.

Another thing to look at is being comfortable with uncertainty. Yes, his behavior is odd but there could be 100 reasons for it. He could be busy, tired or caught up with something or his phone is having some issues or he lost/left his phone etc etc etc. Why to over analyse this and cause more confusion and disappointment for yourself. Say to yourself ” If its meant to happen, even if he hasn’t texted you, it will and if not, then no matter how perfect you act or reply or do right thing, it won’t work”.
There’s a whole dating industry thriving on people’s anxiety towards uncertainty, you know, how to decode text of your date or how to get the man or woman of your dreams and blah blah blah.

Reading books and articles to gain knowledge about how to interact with men is good for certain aspects of dating like being confident, saying no and creating boundaries etc. However, you still have to remain authentic about yourself, which requires a bit of courage. You are not for everyone and that is okay 🙂 That makes you unique and beautiful.

Just relax and let it happen, naturally at its pace. Don’t let your mind trick you.

Hi Dreaming75,

There is nothing more attractive or beautiful than to see another person living in the now! This shows a culmination of things, and it is truely unique to just that person, in that moment.

To be in the now means to not be living in your head. Not to be caught up in thoughts like “Am I good enough?” or “Oh no… here we go again!” Not to be concerned of the judgement of those around you, and be comfortable with who you are.

Who are you? You can be two people…… You can be your mind, with everything you have learnt, read, researched, and all that thinking, judging, manipulating, concerning, and of course self criticising.

Or you can simply stop focusing on your thoughts, and just feel the moment. Feel what ‘is’ within you, feel the joy, feel the life surging through you, feel the freedom of your expression in this world. In doing this, you become your authentic you!

Once you are practised at this, then take note of how people react to you. Do they just share themselves, or try to shape and change you? Are they open, or retreating? Simply observe, then return to how you feel. Heaven or Hell is right where you stand. You can those which one you are in!

Lastly… do not look for something. Just Be! By looking you have already filtered so many options, because that choosing to look references your past. Just see…. just be….

The person you attract then, will be someone who is part of your journey, as you are ‘be-ing’ together.

That to me sounds like a lovely date! 🙂

Best

Evan

Hi dreaming,

I guess you are doing all the ‘right’ things which someone does when looking for a long term commitment. Do these guys state initially if they too are interested in long term relationships? Once they disappear have you considered asking any of them the reason, just the way you have put it across here, letting them know clearly that you are willing to break it off but you need to know what didn’t work out. Not sure if they would give an honest answer but just wondering if you’ve given this a try. I was just wondering if the “we need to talk” phase ever happens with these disappearing men because it’s not fair for you and more so because of the repetitive pattern.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by humour.

Hi Anita,

Thank you for posting this interesting concept. It’s a good reminder. There is someone I like and we do seem to be doing this motion dance also. And it doesn’t help that when I think he’s moved away, the next time we meet I might be a little distant to compensate and protect my feelings. And that in turn may make him move a little away in response to what may seem like less interest on my part. It’s so very complicated, isn’t it? Sigh. It even seems to apply to my husband – we are newly separated – and some days I might be feeling friendly when I see him, but he’s being an ass, and other days he may be willing to have a decent conversation,but I’m being a bitch that day! So it’s very hard to always be in sync with someone. And also very good to remember it most likely doesn’t have much or anything to do with you – could be work worries or even a tummy ache, which I know is often the reason I may be feeling out of sorts and not want to interact too closely with someone if I’m physically uncomfortable.

I think the best policy is what I am trying to do, in all my interactions, not just the male-female dating/divorcing situations, is to always approach from warm and friendly, open and positive place, expecting the best, and being prepared to give my best and spread my light and love. Whatever happens from there, at least I can be pretty sure it didn’t originate with me.

Sure! Sorry if I committed a breach of etiquette.

Dear dreaming715:

Glad you like the concept- it is reality, really, a scientific principle- so better take it into our mind so that we can evaluate situations more and more accurately.

anita