Hi David,

Mulza hit it right on the head. I agree 100%. I would only add that you shouldn’t feel as if you did anything wrong. You probably did everything right, and she just wasn’t ready for that.

Maybe this was just to show you that you can have that kind of connection with someone. Possibly preparing you for someone even better!

David–I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. I must admit, I was that girl recently. It’s really tough to admit that you’re not in a good place to continue the relationship, especially one with an immense connection. But it’s so important to let people go through their own journey to get to a place where they are capable of receiving love.

I agree with Anita. There’s no harm in checking in with her intermittently as a friend. Someone did that for me and it helped me realize how supportive and trustworthy he was. You should be sure to move forward with your life though. I wish you the best of luck!

Dear David:

You are welcome. I second you (and whitneyp) on trying to re-connect with her as a friend. As to waiting for her to become your girlfriend, I don’t think it is a good idea. If she is open to friendship with you, then there is no boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship in existence, and so, there is no one for you to be loyal to as a girlfriend. The fact that she was your girlfriend and that in the future, she may be your girlfriend, does not change the fact that in present time she is not and you are free.

I understand it doesn’t feel the same to talk to other girls and why would it feel the same, there is no one exactly like her. Be open to different feelings talking to different girls. Different may be a good thing.

anita

David,

My heart goes out to you as I have just gone through this exact same experience.

While others have encouraged you to still reach out to her intermittently, which I think is fine, I do think you should keep yourself open to new experiences with other people. Though there is a chance this girl may come around, there is no guarantee that it will happen. You can certainly be a friend, but you can’t put your life/hopes on hold. If it’s meant to work out, it will but you can’t hold your breath waiting for it to happen.

It’s been my experience that these situations can lead to very murky waters. I myself have just wasted two years with a guy who clammed up and claimed he wasn’t ready for a relationship but that we could remain friends (which we were, closely so). He later dropped me a year later after he ran into an old classmate (with whom he promptly jumped into a relationship). At the start I was told the same things as you – “it’s fine to check in, be a friend etc, you never know…” but in the end it resulted in a lot of hurt feelings.

Understandably, things will not feel the same with other girls, but have faith that you will a strong connection like that again. I was gobsmacked when I felt things for a new person because I was convinced it would never happen again.

It’s noble that you want to demonstrate your patience and understanding for this girl, but you should proceed with caution.

Mully you hit the nail on the head…. David, the other posters are giving you false hope. She has your number if her interest level changed. Do not contact her again

My advice going forward… keep the first few dates short 1-2 hours max. If you spill all the beans of the first date it’s a huge turnoff. Women love a bit of mystery. Not some guy who treats her as the girlfriend on the first date…. it comes across as desperate. She needs to earn the right to cuddle all day/night

Best

Christopher

David,
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I understand it’s been about a month since this occurred so I hope you’ve gained more ground in this. From the sounds of it shes scared to let someone in because of something in the past that has happened to her. This is quite common with a lot of people and can be very frustrating on the receiving end. I’m currently in a new relationship now where I was the one who was closed up, what my girlfriend did was stayed consistent with me always reminding me she’ll never hurt me and worked as hard as she could to gain my trust. But, in the end it all takes time. Remember Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither are relationships. Keep at it man and tell me the outcome!