Home→Forums→Share Your Truth→I want to forgive to move on, but I struggle
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December 28, 2016 at 6:54 pm #123838
AnonymousGuestDear ifalco:
Your brother in law’s dog bit your child. The man’s response was to blame your child and proceeded to yell at you. The man’s parents remained silent and … so did you and your husband?
The bite your child experienced, did it go past the skin, that is, did he bleed any? Did he require medical care of any kind?
anita
December 29, 2016 at 7:56 am #123886
Irene FalcoParticipantMy husband and I did not remain silent. We approached this with all of them, his parents and Ils at the time of the event. Several months later with his mother, since she is the enabler, looking to set things right. My husband and I were furious with his family. Our conversations went nowhere, they all swept it under the rug, pretend it did not happen and carried on.
Regarding the injury, we are dog people, they are an integral part of our family, we love them. My son has been with dogs all his life, so he knows how to handle them, he is 8 years old. He sustained a deep, non puncturing bite from their dog, that left a nasty bruise for weeks. We did not seek medical attention because the injury was not severe. My husband and I chose to handle this at the time as family, instead of filing a report and going down that path. It was emotionally severe, as he’s lost trust in their dog, and is anxious around it. The most hurtful issue is that while getting physically and mentally hurt, they showed no concern and blamed my child. Mind you, it is known that the dog has aggressive tendencies. This has also been brought to the owner’s attention yet denial is their MO.
This was just an instance of many, where the outcome is the same, and my husband and I are left with disappointment, hurt and anger. I guess it is easier for me to see from the outside how despicable these people are. But I cannot make my husband see it, until he sees for himself.
I want to release those feelings and also move on. I am seeking for advice on how to, because their injustice does not allow me to let go.
December 29, 2016 at 8:12 am #123888AnonymousGuestDear ifalco:
First advice: do not make it possible for your child to be in the presence of that dog. It makes him anxious, fearful and this is understandable. Protect your child that way.
Second advice: do not make it possible for you to be in the presence of all these family members.
You wrote that you are seeking advice on how to “release those feelings” that you have, this anger at the injustice of their behavior. I don’t believe it is possible. We can’t stay in an unjust situation and feel okay about it. Certain drugs can achieve that, for a short period of time. If you take a very hot bath, you can feel okay for the first ten minutes being around these people, at best. If you meditate before seeing them, maybe you can feel calm for the first five minutes… if a very good chocolate cake is served at the get together, maybe you can feel good for a whole hour!
You get my point…?
Unless the conflicts are resolved, unless the man sincerely apologizes for his previous behaviors, in some sort of a family meeting; unless the parents apologize for standing behind the victimizer (their son) and blaming the victim (your son, a child)- there is no way for you to feel better about this.
It is not your job to play a part that will please your husband, that is to… make it so he can feel comfortable with the delusion of a big loving family. You are not here, on this earth, to support delusions (false beliefs, wishful, but incorrect thinking).
Your husband can visit his parents and brother (without your bitten child) by himself.
Your thoughts…?
anita
December 29, 2016 at 8:51 am #123894Irene FalcoParticipantAnita
I needed to read these words. These are my feelings exactly, and I just needed to see them in print.
Thank you!
December 29, 2016 at 9:19 am #123896AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, ifalco. Post anytime.
anita -
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