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i want to change

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • December 19, 2014 at 12:16 am #69496
    shreya indulkar
    Participant

    i am 20. i have had a rough past concerning both family and friends. after my father recently remarried (like 6 years ago) for the first time in my life i had family i could love and respect.
    my problem is im TOO focused on gaining friends and sometimes can try to b ppl pleasing. at the start i enjoy amazing friendship but just cant seem to sustain them.
    i am pretty, a nice person, interactive, fun loving , caring and sensitive
    but i had undiagnosed adhd for 10 ish years(this year i came to know) also i have very very low selfconfidence. i am too emotional and not only cause pain to ppl i love bu to myself. i dont speak for myself. majorly because when someone is mean i just cant formulate anything to give back to them.
    i want to change my greatest fear – that im unlovable and will end up alone in life
    i want to b someone that i can respect ……..that i would love to b with.
    but its so difficult.
    can anyone help me?

    December 19, 2014 at 1:18 am #69498
    popi
    Participant

    Hello friend.
    The fact that your father re married maybe ruined your childish mind (excuse my English)
    that fact took your self confidence and you felt unlovable. This is very usual and natural.
    but you grow.. and your self confidence doesn’t depends on your father’s choices.
    Give and take love with your family..and you will feel more secure.
    Maybe you have been closed to yourself as a child or a person.. but you must know that every time you help someone and give him love, you take back love also.
    Your self confidence is that something you must change because this is for your self and you deserve good thoughts and opinions about you.love will come anyways.
    You can build self confidence by doing good things for yourself
    for example exercising everyday for your health
    Wearing clothes that makes you feel confident and relaxed and comfortable.
    Saying things in your mind that treats you good.
    I’m a good person and I deserve good things
    I don’t want to be punished by anyone I want to be happy.
    I don’t want the relationship that makes me sad. if it makes me sad I would get out of this.

    December 20, 2014 at 9:56 am #69558
    Spidey
    Participant

    i want to change my greatest fear – that im unlovable and will end up alone in life

    Right now you’re building an impression in your mind, and when you build these negative impressions, unfortunately we attract them. Instead, you should rephrase this and repeat it as a mantra in the mornings:

    I AM lovable and I WILL end up being with an amazing partner.

    It’s all about switching the mindset from the negative to the positive. Once we apply a focus on something we give it a meaning. Whatever meaning we give it will produce the action. In your scenario you decide to focus on the negative aspects. The meaning you gave to these thoughts resulted to bringing you down, and as a result you’re feeling sorry for yourself.

    Try this:

    Focus on the positive aspects in your life. As you mentioned earlier you’re “pretty, fun, nice interactive, fun loving, caring, and sensitive.” Now, focus on the good attributes, and now give them a meaning. What does this mean to you? Does it mean that you’re your own person who is awesome? Does it mean that you’re exactly those things you just mentioned: fun, loving, caring, interactive? Once you apply the meaning to your focus, now produce action. So now you’re focusing on the good in your life, and it means that you’re actually an awesome person. In response now, I want to keep working on the good in my life plus some.

    Oh, and along the way, your self-confidence will increase as you do this.

    December 20, 2014 at 11:04 am #69561
    Jeff
    Participant

    People come and go from our lives all the time, some sooner and some later, the main thing to focus on is not trying to get them to stay longer, but enjoying the time you have with them. If your friendships don’t last it is just nature telling you it is time for a new friend. You cannot expect to find everything you are looking for in one close friend or relationship. It doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to that person, it just means you need to open yourself to something more and new. Try not to spend all of your time with just a few select people, instead spend smaller amounts of time with many different people.

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