Home→Forums→Relationships→I WANT MY EX BACK…….VERY HEARTBROKEN
- This topic has 8 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 1 month ago by
HoneyBlossom.
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March 13, 2022 at 5:58 pm #395060
HoneyBlossom
ParticipantHi Ariel, you posted last week that it was only 44 days you had been together. People advised you that wasn’t even ling enough to know a person. I thiñk it was on that thread that people posted about anxious attachment. That is something I have experienced too.
You said that you are 48 and he is 30, and that he lives with his mother who he has a troubled relationship with. He had told you from the outset that he liked you but is still looking around to meet other women. I gathered that when he began withdrawing from you, you contacted him telling him how much you live him.
I think you should stay away from him and commit yourself to getting help with your anxious attachment.
You still have time to get emotionally and meet somebody who would be suitable for you who you could have genuine happiness with. If you don’t make that commitment to yourself, it is likely that you will continue the letter of over-investing yourself emotionally with the same result.
I hope you will look at this honestly and do the right thing by yourself, and that dies not include this relationship.
March 13, 2022 at 6:55 pm #395066Anonymous
InactiveHi Arie
I’m very sorry for the pain you are going through. It might not seem like it right now, but this might be for the best. As he is a person who I would imagine regularly drops out of contact continuing this relationship would have been challenging. Someone who is able to be present would be a better fit.
It is a shame because it almost sounds like two different relationships. One where he was present and attentive. Another, where he drops out of contact with you, is depressed and grumpy when you do speak.
It is understandable to grieve the loss if the good parts of the relationship. I hope you are taking extra care of yourself during this difficult time?
Do you have any fears regarding being single? Or related to dating?
March 14, 2022 at 3:20 am #395073Arie1276
ParticipantHelcat
Do i have a fear of being single? Yes and no. Yes because all my friends are either married or have boyfriends . I don’t like to be alone. I have family and my children but it’s not the same.
As for dating : Dating sucks. I get told I’m so pretty and sexy and have a wonderful personality and very smart. I always ask if age matters and they say no why would it . I also get told I look way younger than I am. A lot of men in their 30’s tell me they like older women vs younger. Then when I do find someone and we hit it off , after few months or so they slap me in the face and decide they don’t want a relationship or whatever their excuse may be. They tell me I’m such a good person . Well if I’m all of these….. then what is the problem? Why can’t they just commit if I’m such a good fit for some of them? I am not fake , not that high maintenance, I am not like other women and I’ve been told that too. And I’ve been told it’s not me , it’s them. What is their problem? And yes I’ve dated men my age and I swear some are worse then the younger ones.
So yeah ….. dating sucks at times and I just wish I can just find someone who will just stay and wants an actual real relationship.March 14, 2022 at 4:19 am #395074Anonymous
InactiveHi Arie
Can you tell me how you feel when you are alone, without a partner? When was the first time you remember feeling afraid of being alone?
Ultimately, our partners are responsible for their own poor behaviour. However, we are responsible for selecting and setting boundaries with our partners. You have a habit of being extremely vulnerable and not protecting yourself enough when dating.
There and some bad people in the world, there are some good people in the world and there are many people who fall somewhere in the middle. It can take a long time and meeting many people to find a suitable partner.
The many people with bad behaviours are why it is important to be discerning and protect yourself when dating. The process of dating itself can slowly reveal an individual’s flaws. It is very easy for someone to pretend to be a good person for a small amount of time. People have more difficulty sustaining this over longer periods. The initial period of good behaviour also has the effect of creating caring feelings for the individual. This is beneficial for them as it makes you reluctant to leave the relationship when people treat you poorly. An open minded yet cynical approach to new relationships offers a lot of protection, should bad behaviour be revealed in the future. Which is why people have recommended that you guard your feelings and take new relationships more slowly.
If I were you I would be wary of any partners that encouraged you to emotionally attach very quickly. Whilst they might be kinder, there is a concern with dating younger men. They may be fine with dating you, but less interested in committing. At the end of the day, once their fun dating lifestyles are over they may have a desire to settle down and start a family. Young people may often deny this inevitable future in order to have fun dating you. On the other hand there are some individuals who may never want to have children.
March 14, 2022 at 4:41 am #395076Anonymous
InactiveHi Arie
I would recommend that you write a list of what you do and don’t want in potential relationships.
March 14, 2022 at 7:00 am #395090HoneyBlossom
ParticipantI know it’s probably little consolation, but you are by far not the only one. Haven’t you ever wondered about all of the beautiful women who have had so much going for them, and they are either cheated in or treated very badly by men. Lady Dianna, Liz Hurley, Elle MacPherson, Christy Brinkley are just a few.
Their problem is that men don’t live in the same way a lot of women do. They cdont want to commit because of the fear that there might just be someone better out there- especially when their most recent girlfriend bolstered their egos – their cobfidencegies through the roof.
I’m pretty similar to you- just around 15 years older.
Fortune as re My for me, I have cone to see that love takes many forms. It’s not just about poor baby men who are always looking out for themselves.
I genuinely wish you well, and I truly hope that you can see that this guy isn’t worth your tears and sadness. Hugs
March 14, 2022 at 6:03 pm #395177Arie1276
ParticipantThank you all so much for your concerns and advice. I need to open up my eyes as i have been turning a blind eye and seem to have deaf ears and listen to what everyone is saying. It is difficult to do. I need to work on myself and heal my mind,body, and soul. If he comes back …great, if not….i will have to accept that and move on.
March 14, 2022 at 8:28 pm #395192HoneyBlossom
ParticipantThey rarely come back when you are sitting around crying. Usually when you have gotten on with your life
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