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I think there's something wrong with me

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  • December 5, 2019 at 10:37 pm #326245
    sofia
    Participant

    I’ve never really felt a connection with a guy, and I haven’t been in a relationship before. It seems so easy for girls around me to talk with guys and start dating them but for me it is so diffcult. I’m afraid I’m unable to connect with guys and that thought is very scary to me.. I told my friend about this and she said every guy that has liked her has liked her back so she says she can’t relate to how I’m feeling. That made me feel a lot worse because now I feel like something is definitely wrong with me. I just want to know what I’m doing wrong. I wish I was more like my friend. She’s really likable, cute and funny so of course her crushes like her back. Me, I feel like I just lack in those categories. The worst part is I feel like I can’t really control that or do anything to change it. I wish I was different.

    • This topic was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by sofia.
    • This topic was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by sofia.
    • This topic was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by sofia.
    • This topic was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by sofia.
    • This topic was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by sofia.
    • This topic was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by sofia.
    December 6, 2019 at 8:32 am #326319
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sofia:

    Here is our exchange from August 16 this year, almost four months ago:

    anita: “Five days ago you I suggested you seek professional help as soon as possible. Your reply to me, Aug 11:  ‘My mom was just going to find me a therapist.. and maybe getting diagnosed.. I do want to know if I have OCD, and if I should be taking medication, so I’ll bring it up to her. I’ll be sure to update after I seek professional help”- Did your mother set an appointment for you to see a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist?”

    sofia: “No she hasn’t yet. Something went wrong with the insurance failing, so she can’t get me a therapist or psychiatrist yet. I will eventually though.”

    anita: “.. There are free counseling services available for teenagers, be it through your high school or a community resource, counseling services available for people who  do not have health insurance and who can not afford to pay. Go yourself to your school nurse or school counselor, tell that person.. what you shared here on your various threads, and ask for help. There is nothing here that I can do, or any other member can do to help you with your sexual thoughts and obsessions, it takes a trained professional to help you with this.”

    sofia: “Ok, I will think about doing it. That would be very difficult to do, but I am at a point where I think it’s necessary that I do it.”

    anita: “It is necessary for you to seek help at school because obviously your mother didn’t arrange for help for you. The OCD websites you go to, describing and going on and on about your sexual obsessions- those websites will not help you.”

    sofia: “Ok, I appreciate your response Anita, I will do it for sure then.”

    anita: “Don’t share your sexual obsessions with strangers on the internet then. Share those obsessions, those thoughts, images, compulsions, all of those things with a health professional, such as a counselor in school, a psychotherapist, a psychiatrist. But not here, not online, and don’t read about others’ sexual stories online. If you want help- get it from a professional in a professional setting.”

    sofia: “I won’t, thank you anita. I’ll tell you how it goes after I tell my school counselor.”

    And you didn’t get back to me.

    I am glad that in your new thread you did not share about your sexual obsessions and compulsions, but you may still be doing that on other websites, OCD websites. But doing so did not and will not help you. You need professional help. “I think there’s something wrong with me”- well, why don’t you seek professional help, starting at your school?

    anita

    December 9, 2019 at 8:31 am #326687
    Tess
    Participant

    Sofia,

    I understand how you feel. For the first 22 years of my life, I never met a single guy I felt I really connected with. Meanwhile, my friends started dating, while I remained single. And single. And single. I felt like there must be something wrong with me– how have I met so many people and not met a single guy I really care to get to know? All of my friends had had multiple boyfriends at that point, which made me feel really fucked, although that’s not to say that all of my friends’ relationships were healthy. At the time, though, I thought I would rather have that pain than the loneliness I felt.

    And then I met somebody. On Bumble. Not even really on purpose. We just texted and it went from there. And let me tell you, Sofia, this guy was worth waiting 22 years. He was absolutely amazing. He broke my heart three weeks ago after two years together and now I worry that it will take me another 22 years to find that kind of connection. But honestly? That shit was worth it. He set my standards high. And if it takes another 22 years for someone to match those standards, then that’s the way it is. But I’ll tell you this: focus on your work, school, anything but wanting to have that connection. The second you become fully immersed in your passion, someone will come along, tap you on the shoulder, and being with them will be like sitting near a warm fire on a cold night, or seeing rays of sunshine breaking through storm clouds. Wait for that person. They’re worth it. You’re worth it. I know it seems like you may be alone forever, but just keep your head down, be kind, and focus on your passion/career/school etc. Love comes when you stop looking for it. Become the best you possible, and you will find the right person along the way. I promise.

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