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I think I've been sexually harrassed

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • May 21, 2017 at 10:48 pm #150253
    Kalleid
    Participant

    I’m so miserable and angry right now, and writing this out to share it to whoever will listen (read) is the only thing I feel like will help me right now.

    I was sitting at a coffeeshop this evening for open mic night, enjoying the performers and musicians, when the second to last act was a magician doing card tricks. He asked for a volunteer, describing them as a “pretty girl next to a cool guy next to the wall… also with light blonde hair” and I knew he was referring to me. I was a little mad about being put on the spot and asked to do something, but I appreciated the compliment. Rarely do I ever get compliments on my appearance, but that may also be because I never get out much.

    Anyway, he asked me to pick a card, which I did. The king of clubs. He shuffled the deck many times, asked another guy to pick a card, shuffled again, etc. Then he asked everyone to make sure he wasn’t “palming” a card anywhere, and had a guy nearby check his palms, arms etc. They had a comedic banter where the guy did a TSA like search all around his body. Finally, the magician looks at me, says he has my card, and unzips his pants. My heart sank and I looked away, off and on. He reaches his hand in and rummages around for several seconds, then pulls out the king of clubs. I confirm that it’s the card. The act is over, and people clap.

    Previous to that, I was enjoying myself and having a good time, but after that one incident, I couldn’t think of anything else and felt incredibly angry and miserable. Since it’s not a recurring thing like a workplace I have to go to, there’s not much online help I can look at, only things I can look for to distract myself and forget about the whole thing. I never want to see that guy again, but I did want to go back to the coffee shop next week and play something. Now, I’m not so sure I even want to go back to the venue. I hate that this happened, and that I didn’t say anything about it to my friend next to me. Nobody knows how this affected me. To some people it may not seem like a big deal, but to me it’s really ruined my mood. Hopefully now that I’ve gotten it off my chest I can be happy again.

    May 21, 2017 at 11:40 pm #150255
    Susannah
    Participant

    Dear Kalleid,

     

    what happened was not approppriate. I am surprised to hear that his show includes such sexistic content; that no one has told him that it was not funny but sexual harassment!

     

    It is not right if you let that incident “steal” the pleasure of the place that you have enjoyed before! Then he would “win”.

     

    The incident was so surprising and happened so quickly that it left you without a chance to tell your opinion about it. You still have that chance! You know his name so you can leave a note somewhere in his social media etc. It it makes you feel empowered, you can do it with your name. I would not. I would use my option to be anonymous; there is no need to tell your identity if it does not feel comfortable. Your name is not important here, but the fact that he did the wrong thing is and he needs to hear that.

    May 22, 2017 at 10:34 pm #150346
    Kalleid
    Participant

    Thanks Susannah. I’m also surprised no one said anything, because there were a lot of other women present AND it’s a very liberal, pro-LGBT, progressive, gender-conscious space usually. I can easily find him on social media, but I don’t know how it’s possible to leave any anonymous note on Facebook.

    May 23, 2017 at 12:49 am #150348
    Susannah
    Participant

    Dear Kalleid,

     

    I don”t know either – I am not on Facebook.

     

    People usually don”t want to interfere, which is a pity. His show has been like that before and no one has complained! This is your chance to make a difference! 🙂

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Susannah.
    May 23, 2017 at 4:44 pm #150414
    secularbuddhist
    Participant

    I’m confused as to how this constitutes sexual harassment.  It would probably be more constructive to figure out why this bothers you so much, and address that. Harassment (typically of a woman) in a workplace, or other professional or social situation, involves the making of unwanted sexual advances or obscene remarks.

    May 24, 2017 at 7:38 am #150482
    Sandraorely
    Participant

    Dear Kallied,

    i think the reason no one in the audience responded negatively is because this is not sexual harassment. I might even go so far as to suggest that it was a bit selfish/entitled  of you to have responded this way to a light hearted piece of magician comedy. If he had say, asked you to get the card from his pants, made some lewd comment to you etc, that would be a different story, but nothing you described constitutes  sexual harassment in any way.

     

    That you felt so bad about it speaks more to yourself than anything else. I’m sorry you let this upset you so much, I hope you can work through whatever issues you have which let events like this upset you so much.  In two r cent tiny Buddha articles might be helpful for you, ‘How to Stop Playing the Blame Game’ and ‘7 crucial steps to minimize drama in your life’ paying particular attention to step one, which it seems you could use help with (like many of us).

    i wish you well! Hopefully you can overcome letting complete non-issues such as this upset you so much and move on to a happy, healthy life.

    June 2, 2017 at 3:31 am #151602
    Kalleid
    Participant

    Sandraorely, how incredibly rude, condescending and judgmental of you. Sounds like you’re victim blaming. I have a right to feel how I feel, and it’s not “selfish” or “entitled”. My feelings matter just as much as anyone else’s, and I am worth just as much as anyone else. I told the magician how I felt and he genuinely apologized, and it was resolved pretty well, by the way. I don’t need your “help”, thanks. This issue is thankfully over now. I’m sick of being told how I “should” or “shouldn’t” feel by other people. I am reclaiming my own right to feel and think for myself, regardless of the judgments of others. Oh, and thanks for the patronizing passive aggressive send-off at the end. That sure helped a ton. You must be very proud of yourself.

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