Losing hope is not always ‘bad’. Hope is a skill that many people practice badly. Losing hope is often a step needed in order to ‘let go’ and enter into the flow of Life, opening the doors to the very things we didn’t know we were hoping for.

I always thought that the rule was be kind and you will receive the same in return in some form

The golden rule – do not do unto others as you would not have then do unto you. The Law of Karma (Action – Cause and Effect) or actions are influenced by causes and at the same time create effects which create causes….. The law of forgiveness: Forgive us our failures as we forgive those that fail us –  as we judge we are judged – by our own hearts – we see in others what is also within us, a shadow we do not always recognize. The Law of Love: Love your neighbor as your self – not so much a law as a reality that our ability to  love others is very much connected to how we love ourselves. The law of attraction – like attracts like.

So confusing, no wonder  relationships can be so difficult . The key to all the above requires that one must know them selves. The challenge is that we are not always fully awake to our ‘real’ intentions and Life/Love demands growth.

Why do you fall into the caretaker role? What are the payoffs for you? What could taking on a caretaker role attract? What does being a caretaker say about how you Love yourself and desire to be Loved?

Being a caretaker can be a wonderful path to follow when we also have strong and loving boundaries.  Our greatest gifts and strengths can also be our greatest weakness. Taking time to create space to know yourself could be the first step on the path in attracting the Love that you really hope for.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ― Joseph Campbell

How Losing All Hope Can Be Freedom

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Peter.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Peter.

Dear Hara:

In your previous your thread you shared that  you are currently living with your mother who, you wrote, “has been very  critical about me all of my life”. Your mother’s “main goal in life is to have a clean, spotless  house”, you wrote.

About your recent  boyfriend you wrote that you find  yourself changing into what you hate about you mother, “picking on him”, “it’s a terrible habit of being  negative”, you wrote.

In your current thread you wrote: “I put my heart and  soul into trying to make things work out with men, but I cannot seem to meet any man who is not a child”.

It would be  helpful if you don’t treat a man like your mother treated you, or still treats you.

Reads to me that your mother focused  on having a clean, spotless house because she found comfort in it, safely. She was able to ignore all the trouble in her life because she focused on the clean house.

Is it still working for her… and is she  still critical of you?

anita

Dear Hara,

You probably have dealt with this, but it sounds like you’re in love with the idea of love itself. Take this from a notorious romantic. You keep following Hollywood’s idea that being with a person is the only way to achieve happiness, and that’s not true. Being happy has to come from within yourself. We’re both strangers, but I already like you as a person because you’re passionate about what you want. I know what it’s like to go through unrequited love. At first, you think that it’s no big deal, since someone will love you for who you are. If you’re me, you’re probably chasing after people who don’t want you and/or are unavailable to you due to distance.

Maybe you don’t have to be finished with finding love. There’s always familial love, platonic love, love for a hobby. Love comes in many shapes and sizes. You think you have bad luck with not having a boyfriend? Honey, I’m the queen of unrequited love. I’ve had guys tell me they don’t like me back, I’ve had crushes on 2 men who lived far away from me (far away meaning another country), and I even fell for a player back in high school. You see? You’re not the only one who struggles to get romantic love. But if we all stopped treated Romantic Love as an ideal, then our lives would be so stressed free. One of my sisters has been in many relationships, and she’s almost 30! But that’s another story for another time.

The problem is that you kept listening to media saying that you’re not complete without being in a relationship. Nowadays, there are more benefits to being single. You have time for your thoughts, interests, ideals, basically, the whole world at your hands. You also mentioned something about being a caretaker to these men. If they’re grown-ass men, they can take care of theirselves because you are not their freaking mother. I’m not being mean; just giving you some tough love.

It’s like one of the people who replied said: Love yourself. Lulu said that. I just checked her name. Please take care of yourself. You have the autonomy to live an authentic life!

Hara,

I’m truly sorry you’re going through a tough time right now. It seems like everything in your life is stressing you out. Are there any resources you can try out to help you out?

I never understand why some people get good things and are bad, while bad things happen to good people, and I know you feel this will be your life forever, but things TRULY do get better. Don’t let your past dictate your present now. You said you were 54, right? High school is long done. You’re not there anymore. Prove those people wrong if it still matters to you. Reach out to someone that can help you get through this. And if you can, try to distance yourself from your mother. She sounds like a toxic person.

What are your career goals in life? Do you like working at museums? You can still get out of this. It just takes time.