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October 6, 2016 at 10:44 pm #117405
jock
ParticipantI can relate to a lot of what you say arguseyed.
I have change jobs and careers countless times. And I will always find something wrong with the job I am doing right now. My job currently doesn’t pay much. it is a concern as I approach retirement. But it is job that very much suits my temperament. In other words there are a lot of boxes ticked and only a few negatives. The question is, how important are the negatives? I’ll need more cash to get my car serviced soon. What shall I do? And so problems persist. My conclusion is, there is no perfect job. And the jobs that pay well, you are usually paying the price. Like the stress you are going through. I used to get stressed out as a teacher.Money and hols were great but my anxiety levels were through the roof. I’m too old for that **** anymore! 🙂
I never had any kids. I wonder for some people, if they have kids, they put up with any crap to feed and shelter their family. It gives them a purpose to put up with the stress at work. So if you have a rich and rewarding private life, it gives you some relief from the pressures of work. Life makes more sense. For me, I need to enjoy my work because that is where a lot of my life meaning resides. Not all, but I think you know what I mean.
I might be the only one recommending getting really drunk just once, so you can stop worrying about your work. Alcohol short term can help. Long term is a big no no.October 7, 2016 at 10:06 am #117426Anonymous
GuestDear arguseyed:
I went back to our past correspondence so I can better reply to your current thread.
For a person very anxious about making mistakes, I can see why having a job that is ” highly error prone” would be very uncomfortable for you. Following logic, a job that is way less error-prone would be more fitting to you.
The anxiety about making mistakes, making choices, is making your life very difficult and has been making your life difficult for a long, long time.
The origin of this anxiety, from your previous thread is in your childhood. Quoting your words:
“the notion that I wasn’t smart enough, didn’t work hard enough and when I did make decisions (small minor ones) there was disapproval… I think it was the disapproval on my mom’s face.” Ongoing disapproval as a child is still hurting you.
And, unfortunately, there was more than mere disapproval: there was a vacuum of sorts. You wrote:
“Even now when I want to go out she says don’t without any apparent reason. Maybe, she wants me to help her in the house, but then she never says anything about that…”
As a child you had no choice but to guess as to what was happening, or why and what it is that you are supposed to do. There was no clear guidance, no clearly communicated expectations. So you didn’t know what to do. You were understandably confused and lost.
And you learned that no guidance was coming to you: “I would not go to her or would think a lot before going to her with my problems unless it was being physically ill. I still don’t go to my parents for any problems because I know they will never understand and they cannot give a relevant solution…” There was no guidance, no help and still, at 34, there is none, not from your parents, not from others.
You wrote about your childhood: “All my needs were taken care of – food, shelter and education. But, emotionally I was never appreciated and my negatives were magnified” You needed emotional caring, attention, guidance and you did not receive it- that is the vacuum you grew up in and the vacuum/ void/ lack you still suffer from. Do you agree with my assessment so far?
Will write more once I get your answer and any further thoughts you may want to share.
anita
October 23, 2016 at 10:07 pm #118790arguseyed
ParticipantDear jock and anita,
Thanks for your replies. I have been very busy at work and didn’t get a chance to check the forums back again. With this particular issue, my team told me that it was fine since we had not finalized the whole analysis. A similar situation arose last week, but I wasn’t as anxious. I don’t like the way things are done out here and that adds to a lot of anxiety and frustration.
@anita – it is possible that as a child I did not receive the support that I needed. However, that’s in the past and I need to be responsible for how I feel now. I’m not sure I would blame my mom for this. She did the best that she could do. It doesn’t help me in my current situation. I think my health may also be affecting my anxiety.Thanks again for your replies. It’s good to know that this is a safe place to look for support.
October 24, 2016 at 8:40 am #118808Anonymous
GuestYou are welcome, arguseyed. I hope your health improves. Post anytime.
anita -
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