Hi ke,
Sounds quite a sad situation for you. Do you have lots of support around you at this time? Have you told him how you feel and what you want to happen? Has he really talked to you about why he’s feeling depressed? Sounds like he needs to take control of it and help himself be happy before anything else. It’s sad for you that he needs time alone but only he can decide what is best for himself. Perhaps you need to look after yourself too, being supportive to someone with depression can be very hard, what do you need in order to feel happy? He in time may realise what he wants from life but its got to be in his own time, it’s up to you to decide what’s right for you too and if you are prepared to step back and give space or move on and consentrate on yourself, neither being wrong to do.
Hope this helps in a small way…. I’ve never replied to a post before so do forgive my words if they don’t help, after all it’s just my opinion on your post
Take care
Sophie

Ke,

Its always difficult to see people we love suffering, and adding into it the breakup, which muddles your side, its no wonder you get swept into fear and confusion. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Worry eats a lot of our energy, as does grief. Its especially important, therefore, that you make sure you are being caring with yourself, spending time nurturing and being nice to Ke. The world seems like a much darker place when we spend our energy pouring and pouring and do not refill our cup, because we end up having a strong thirst. Said differently, if you let yourself spend too much time on his side, your side becomes unstable and painful. So be gentle with yourself, take care of yourself. That’s what will give you the energy you need.

As far as his dance with reality is concerned, he has made it clear what he wants. I agree that he has some fundamental flaws in his approach, but its not our place to fix him. We all have shortcomings in our view, but those mistakes provide the nourishment for overcoming them in the pain they produce. Said differently, he makes decisions which will cause him to suffer, and that suffering will eventually teach him to make different decisions. Right now, you seem more like an enabler than a helper…. letting him take what he needs but not give back. For instance, he breaks up with you but still gets to cuddle? Kicking him out of your bed might seem cruel, but if he’s going to learn what being a loner is, perhaps it is actually very compassionate to help him see that choice more clearly.

Stop pouring into him, and perhaps he’ll wake up. Said differently, perhaps a little backbone, some resolve such as “oh, you decide that solitude is your thing, then have a taste” will help both of you. You’ll get a chance to do the things you want to do outside the relationship, such as hobbies, social situations, self nurturing activities and so on, while he will get to sort out his thirst, his side of things. If he is constantly receiving your well intentioned but enabling support, it might be like giving him painkillers for a broken leg he is walking on. Said differently, by cuddling with him, and however many other forms of nurturing that you give, you may be obscuring his mistakes from his own mind. The pain he feels will be difficult to watch, but it is what will let him find the broken bone.

Ke, all that being said, you are clearly a very special and loving person. It is very inspiring to read your loving concern for him, and wish him well. It was remarkable that your main fears were for his own well being, and I really commend you for that, because it shows that your wings are growing. Its far easier to move into a path of effective, cocreative helping when the desire to help is already well rooted! Namaste Ke-buddha.

With warmth,
Matt