It is good that you realize the things within yourself that need work! Everyone needs a bit of that:) I think you should talk to her again, because your feelings about this will not change. It is best to be honest with her and yourself, and I think if you were to just tell her exactly what you just said here, it might make a difference for the both of you. If nothing else comes from talking (ie: maybe you’ll have your good friend back, maybe it’ll be more of a serious relationship..etc..) atleast you allowed yourself to be honest and tell someone how you actually feel. Sometimes I think “would I be happy if today were my last day? Would I have told people exactly what I felt about them even though it frightens me?” I know that there are certain things I regret today that I did in the past. When faced with a chance to make it different, better, would I? I think you should just go for it! Either you gain back someone you lost, or you put that nail in the coffin and you’re set free from wondering.

Hey, Joe!
I think you should just go for it. You know she loves you and you love her so just tell her how you feel. (Easier said than done, huh?) The only thing is those negative feelings you’re having might get in the way with you perusing your lady. I say you should work on more positive thinking. If you don’t love yourself how can you truly love someone else? Do things that make you happy and that inspire you. Meditate, clear your mind, dabble in things you’ve never done before, take risks, tell yourself how important you are every day! If you do these things you’ll find yourself more confident and not be so down on yourself all the time. Try not to put your love on hold though. People tend to do this when they see they need to work on themselves. If that girl really loves you, she’ll accept you for your true self both the good and bad. She’ll work with you to improve it no matter how long it takes (trust me, it doesn’t happen over night) she’ll work with you. Who knows, she’ll even help you to experience things and learn things you’ve never known! You might even be able to teach her a thing or two… Just be positive and thankful. Thank the Universe that you’ve found love! Some people are still searching! You should even be thankful to yourself, there’s obviously something VERY special about your personality that made her fall for you. You are unique, you are LOVED! Be Strong, Joe.

Tomorrow never comes buddy.

Like I said, 2 years later I fell in love with her. Even then I had a window of opportunity where I could have made her mine but I never spoke up.

Don’t lose out. Just go for it. You said she loves you? Then it doesn’t matter what you have in your life. It’s you she likes not what you have going on.

Go for it. You got nothing to lose.

You said, “but I think I still need more time to change myself first so I can be worthy enough for her”.

Maybe being honest about your feelings for her would be a huge step in the right direction of change, and would set off other good changes? Is it “worthy” to continue pretending that you don’t care about her, when she clearly cares about you, and is unhappy because she thinks you don’t care about her? Maybe being “worthy” includes risking honesty?

Yes, it’s scary. Most exciting things are scary! Going and speaking to her, and telling her how you really feel, would be beginning to change yourself. Waiting for a magical change to happen, without actually doing anything, is likely to leave you in the same place you’re in now. And her, too. All sad. You know she likes you. As Jessica said, nobody is ever fully in the right spot.

I completely get what you mean about being awkward socially etc, as I was excruciatingly shy when I was younger, but maybe you underestimate how most people feel – lots of outwardly confident people are inwardly very uncomfortable too – it has taken me many years to figure that out, but it’s true.

The meditation suggestion is a good one too – really good for anxiety of any description – I wish I’d learnt how to meditate years ago.

Be kind to yourself, and kind to her, and go for it! Don’t beat yourself up about it – just do it.

PS If ‘an awkward boy with social problems’ means more than average awkwardness, don’t be too fast to write yourself off. People who want to change really can – it takes time, hard work and good support, but it’s definitely possible. Knowing that you want to change – and being willing to step outside the comfort zone – are the biggest steps. So get out of that comfort zone (which isn’t so comfortable anyway) and talk to her!

I just have trouble believing you really love her after all the love she has shone you in the past. Are you really saying it’s because you didn’t believe you could make her happy and she would hate you if she knows your true self?? Or you didn’t see the signs of love from her until it was too late? You mentioned she was being contradictory. Maybe that played a role in why you didn’t love her at that time?