HI ALEX, JUST A QUICK REACTION AS I AM REALLY BUSY BUT HAD A STRONG CALL TO REACT.

READING THROUGH YOUR THOUGHTS THE FOLLOWINGS CAME TO ME CLEARLY
1/WEB DESIGN AS A WORK, AS YOU HAVE ITS PICTURE UNFOLDING IN YOUR MIND IS CLEARLY -THIS WAY-NOT FOR YOU

…” design jobs I imagine myself in an office, not knowing what I’m doing, with some people I don’t like, commuting on packed trains everyday with miserable people, slaving away everyday like a drone, and living for the weekend! This is something I never wanted to become!”…

QUESTION, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BECOME? GO BACK IN TIME AND SEE YOURSELF IN EACH DECADE(?) WHAT WAS IN YOUR HEART AS A FEELING FOR WORK? HOW COULD YOU USE YOUR PRESENT JOB TO PUSH YOU TOWARDS THOSE IDEAS?

YOU CHOSE THIS PROFESSION BECAUSE YOU BELIVE
…”I chose to study web design for two reasons, – one, I do have some interest in it and it is creative; and two, it is location independent.”…
SO INDEPENDENCE OF LOCATION AND CREATIVENESS IS IMPORTANT FOR YOU. LOOK FOR WAYS TO USE YOUR TALENT COMBINED WITH THESE WISHES.

…”I decided I wanted to stay and travel more, or at least go home for a while and come back soon for a long time.”…
THE WAY YOU DECIDED THE WAY YOU CREATED YOUR REALITY.

ALL THROUGH YOUR TEXT I FEEL THAT YOU ARE STRUGGLING BETWEEN BEING COMFORTABLE COMPROMISING WHIT THE KNOWN OR GET OUT THERE LOOK FOR THE UNKNOWN, FOR NEW CHALLENGES “UNPREDICTABLE RISKS OF ANY KIND” TO FACE WITH ETC.

WELL, IF YOU DO NOT TRY YOU WILL NEVER KNOW, RIGHT?
DOES COMPROMISING FEEL GOOD?
WHAT ABOUT GUT FEELINGS? INTUITIONS?

GET FROM YOUR TEXT OUT ALL THOSE NEGATIVE SENTENCES AND TURN THEM INTO POSITIVE ONES.. TRY TO SEE THE DIFFERENCES THEN.
THERE LAYS YOUR REAL WISH FOR LIFE
THERE IS NOTHING, NOTHING TO LOOSE JUST OPPORTUNITIES AND TIME -AS YOU WROTE IT TOO.

WHAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR MIND AS PICTURE OF YOUR REALITY THAT IS GOING TO MANIFEST IN YOUR LIFE.
MIND YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS!
CHANGE THEM AND START TO BELIEVE IN YOUR STRENGTH!
———————————-

HAVE NO MORE TIME, GOTTA GO
GOOD LUCK

I definately understand this, right now, and at many other points in my life I feel like I am moving from chapter to chapter waiting for everything to just click! I get so worried sometimes I’m going to wake up and realised I have drifted through life waiting for something yet having no idea what it was. Will definately be keen to hear any advice on this!

Hi Alex, I can relate to what you are saying. A book that has helped me lately is 7 habits of highly effective people. I have heard of this book for years, and thought it sounded cheesy, but I can relate to what Steven Covey says, and I think it has a lot of spiritual connections, even if he doesn’t talk about what these connections are.
I think it is possible to take two steps – one is to take time to intentionally sit with where you are each day. Don’t just let the days pass, but actually schedule 30 minutes each day to sit comfortably and say to yourself, “I am going to spend time with this problem.” Don’t try to judge yourself, and don’t try to figure everything out. That is what you do for the rest of the day probably. But take a break from those knots in your mind, and just sit without judgement.
Another step, is to be very honest with yourself about something you truly enjoy doing – not something that you think you should like, , but instead think about what you really enjoy, savor whatever is in your mind, and then take a small step to go for whatever it is.
For me, I had to look carefully at my enjoyment of sports. Yes, I love exercise, but when I was very honest with myself, I realized there were times I actually did not enjoy exercise, because I was doing it for the wrong reasons (at times) – I was in some race to keep my body in shape, for sake of pleasing an image placed in front of me by the media. But when I really sat for a while with my enjoyment of sports, I found I could be more authentic with what I was doing.

You are doing well, because you are reaching out for answers, keep reaching out – you will find them.
There is nothing that says you need to stay in London – although you made a point similar to this quote – “If you don’t find Truth where you are, where, do you think you will find it?”
But if after some time of sitting with this, if you still feel promptings to leave, – I think that is following your intuition, which is one great source of Truth.
And finally my advice is this – find your spiritual spring – that may be a church, mosque, synagoque, or buddhist temple – i am sure there are so many options in London. The leaders and teachings of these great places are waiting for every person.

Gosh Alex, we’re in the same boat, only I’m in Vancouver and the place I ‘escaped’ off to was Colombia… I have had a really hard time readjusting back to life in my PARENTS’ house, with my SISTER who I do *not* get along with. And a community that has disappeared, which was something I was very engaged with in years past. Feel very alone in this city now… and a barrage of male “friends” that have finally all chaotically left my life. I was teaching English, rock climbing, making music too….down there. Went twice, two years in a row – as return tickets were the same price as one-way. I went down originally because my parents decided we would go traveling there for a month, and I just stayed, and man, at the beginning…the first couple of months I was just high on the energy of living there. Being alone. Being independent. Living in a dangerous city and making it work really well. Making friends… But I didn’t pursue the English gig nearly as much as I should have. I didn’t make enough money, out of laziness and pot smoking and pleasure seeking. I didn’t practice and record nearly as much as I should have, basically for the same reasons, plus a bit of fear of success/failure………. I could really ramble on a lot longer, but…I’ll just synthesize to a key point. Do everything 100%. If I had regrets – which I don’t, as I’ve somehow managed to delete that emotion from my possible range… – it would be to have not done everything half-ass. I also have very high expectations for myself and with this habit I am basically letting myself down all.the.time…. We are better people when we commit and follow through, but not just to see, with one foot in the water…no, really just do it. What is there to fear, really, after all? Following this advice is difficult as f(#* but so much worth your while to try try try..

Very late quick post. More to come? x

Well, I am glad I am not alone in this. Not cause i wish others misery, but cause it is nice not to be alone in trouble.

Maybe somebody got over it and has a piece of advice?

I am struggling with it for a while now, hoping it will be fine, but in reality it is worst. I will not go into details, cause in general it looks just as you guys have described.

:/

Bart