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I need to get over a guy that uses me, but feel guilty of losing him

HomeForumsRelationshipsI need to get over a guy that uses me, but feel guilty of losing him

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  • #150422
    Daniela
    Participant

    I dated a guy I really like for months, it was a serious relationship, we broke up since I moved out of town because of my job, couple of months later I return to town and tried to get back with him, but he didn’t want. I don’t like guys or get in love pretty often, but once I do is deeply, He is provably the second guy I really get in love with. After couple of months he contacted me again, we started texting and end up hooking up, he was aware that I was in love with him and I was aware that he only wanted sex. It last for couple of months, I told him several times that I wanted more that a “friend with benefits” relationship, but I kept sleeping with him, the last time we had sex, I told him we had to stop. That night we were hanging in the same place, at some point I hear one of his friends asking about a girl, but I could not see to whom he asked, I assumed was to the guy I like. I kept thinking about it, I was going crazy so I asked him, he denied it and we kept arguing for days, it got pretty dramatic until he stop replying. A week later I apologize because I felt nosey and sadly I am not his girlfriend to be jealous, so I guess I have no right to question him or expect loyalty. After that day we did not talk anymore. Yesterday I saw him in a store and say hello, we had a short talk, he was cold (usually he is nothing like that). I felt awful and extremely sad. I can stop feeling that is my fault, that I lost him since I moved out of town; worst that that I know that I can’t continue in that sort of relationship that hurts me and make me feel use, but been away from him hurts even more. I feel guilty of been jealous and make him angry, I miss him and hate myself sometimes for stoping our hook ups, even if it was not the relationship I want. How can I overcome and stop feeling guilty?  how can I get over him? I can’t stop thinking about him and feeling its all my fault, I am afraid that he hate me or something like that.

    #150444
    Craig
    Participant

    Daniela,

    I hope that posting about this helps you to feel better. I expect it will be a process for you, as it is for most of us who have been involved with and deeply loved someone, but the feelings and actions weren’t mutual.

    So first, give yourself lots of compassion. It may be that when you moved away the first time, that started kind of a downward spiral in your relationship with this guy. But, I’m sure you were doing your best at the time. You made the best decision you could with what you knew then. It’s normal to wish you’d done things differently, but you did what you did, and when you’re ready, you’ll stop agonizing over your decisions of the past.

    Meanwhile, the quality of a relationship is never the responsibility of only one person. This guy had a role too. I’m not saying that you should shift into an attitude of blame, but in the hopes that you don’t continue to shoulder so much of the failure of this relationship by yourself.

     

    Craig

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