Hi so I have been in a relationship for the past 4 years and I have always been a very passive person but lately I have found myself getting very agitated to a point where I cant even control my anger with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I started off with a very bad relationship there wasn’t any honesty and he would often break up with me and run back to his ex but this was during our first year of dating and we were both 17.He drove me to the deepest depths of depression and I was so stubborn back then that I wouldn’t realize that he was the problem and I would try to reflect the problem on everything else that was going on in my life. Soon enough I got the help that I needed and I got back with him because I guess me nearly committing suicide made him realize how much he was hurting me, he started acting differently and he started actually caring. I fell back in love with him and I felt him fall in love with me as well. For months things were perfect and it got to the point where we moved in with each other. Let me not forget to mention that my boyfriend has trust issues,anger problems and is very insecure. I was very insecure as well due to the fact that he would break up with me and then go on to hanging out with his ex. I did get over it after a while though and I learned to forgive him because I have never been able to hold a grudge. A year or so went by after this and I thought that everything was okay and he broke up with me out of nowhere and the day after I logged on to one of my social networks and saw pictures of him and her and it completely broke my heart. I still somehow managed to forgive him a few months later but within that time I did have sexual relations and a somewhat connection with another man. I did run back to my boyfriend as soon as I started missing him and with him sending me flowers everyday I sort of felt like I had no choice. So now two years after this we thought that we had worked out all of these problems he has not contacted his ex and I never spoke to the other man ever again but I never even told him about it and sometimes my guilt kills me inside but he did leave me for his ex for the third time so for a while I’ve felt like I should have no reason to feel guilty.

Anyways like I said its been two years now and for the past couple of months he has been going through a lot financially but he takes out all of his anger on me . He yells at me and he nearly hits me but he always stops himself.I have never been comftarble talking about any of this with anyone so I keep it a secret. For the past month I’ve completely lost interest in him and I fantazise about being with other man. I don’t want to be unfaithful, I don’t want to hurt him but he had no problem hurting me before. I still feel so guilty I want to leave him but like I said he lives with me and he would have no where to go. Even though I don’t love him as my lover anymore I still love him like a friend and I would hate to see him go through worse. I am stuck on making a decision. I don’t know if I should wait till he gets back on his feet to leave him or if I should wait it out and see if my emotions towards him change please help. I feel like I am losing my mind