Hi Tee,

I meant stable for the current situation that was ever since we mended things. All the things that concerned us, we had made a list and had actively worked on those and we were honest with each other in terms of telling exactly how we felt… Even if there was fear or nervousness. We conveyed that. So yeah I wrote that for him only because things were stable for now and we kept discussing if we were on the same page. Till suddenly he fulfilled his dream to move to another country… No matter how short that duration was.

If you do read the next post, you will understand what I feel now. There is hurt in me currently but I am at peace somehow. I know that I tried and I did give the relationship the one chance it deserved. At least in person. So now I took care of all romantic feelings and I still am happy as the feeling of love makes me positive but I have focused all that love towards myself. It’s not something new… Even when I gave him chance… I shared half of myself unlike the crazy unstable oversharing which I always did. I demanded and received the same attention I gave him and if I received anything less, I gave the same amount back. So it was easier to focus that half of my attention back to myself. I think I have understood know how a healthy relationship works. But if you still feel I need some more work, do suggest. I have been on a fitness journey and a reading journey since this month. I was facing difficulties climbing stairs and that was a shocker for me. I had never been this unfit in life so I started changing my lifestyle. I eat lot less junk, I cook for myself mostly. And even those dishes are healthier versions of actual dishes. I workout, I read, I give time and energy on self care in terms of my face and my style as well.

The sudden news did throw me off a little but I think it was the final straw because I felt that we both knew how much we have worked and fought for what we have right now. But it is fine. I haven’t given up on the feeling of love because the fact that I am changing to a healthier perspective of love means I am healing my inner child in a way and it makes me happy to even think of that little girl. I have spent a lot of time in life thinking of how things happened and how they impacted me to be who I am today and I did not like myself for pretty obvious reasons… My parents were not comfortable keeping me with them because of my granddaughter. For not knowing for a long time who my mother was… I thought it was my maternal grandmother, blaming myself for sudden loss of my maternal grandfather (suicide), comparison with my sister, getting all hand me downs and being without friends so that my sister did not have issues within her group of friends. I felt I faced a lot… But in reality… I am privileged, very privileged. Unlike the boyfriend I never had to worry about money lenders, I did not see my parents struggle… My parents had invested early on and luckily a lot of shares they invested in made them good profits, suddenly after I was born. It made them believe I was their lucky charm. All the lucky draws and contests were filled in my name and they won them too.. Strengthening their belief… Thus making them love me.

So in all this, my need for love grew very strong but I wasn’t loving myself… Because of which I wanted it from others.

I actually worked on myself in the past one year, I worked on myself even when we got together and I am still working on myself.

Life will never be easy but I have learnt that till I am my best friend… Everything else will be alright. I think I overwrote again but this is how I have always been… I love long chats and writing long passages. Also I started working on a new novel this month onwards and I have been so excited ever since. Because this time it is a genuine story, a story not very far from reality and a story which people can believe in and draw hope from.

Toodles.

Hi Anita,

I know I can be utterly wrong here but it is not just about boyfriends, I tend ignore people and cut them off eventually who have been cruel to me… Boyfriends or friends, even relatives.

People do not understand by words so even if I sit down with them and explain, they will still feel that although what they did was wrong, they did it because of some reason/excuse.

Best revenge to cruel behavior is no revenge at all… All those negativity in being angry towards someone… It takes lot more effort than forgiving them. I am unable to be angry with anyone for long because anger hurts me mentally.

But yeah what is in my hands is understanding when to move away and that I do.

On a different note, two men significant in my life cheated on me. I think it says something about the people I have been dating. I don’t think I should be choosing partners anymore. I don’t think I choose people well. It can be purely coincidental but none of the relationships I had in my life lasted more than three months and these two relationships lasted 3-3.5 years. And none were with people around me. Maybe I was too scared if things become too real for me to handle. I still am thinking why is it that I always dated people away from me… People who could only want long distance relationship. Maybe I was scared of getting too attached and getting too hurt…

I am slowly realising what a normal relationship should be and how far I am from it.

I must have saved a country in my past life to have received such good people in my life. I was always afraid of women in my life because of the bullying in primary school. But women have always been kinder to me than men. In every role. Except my brother. He is my best friend.

I felt angry too Anita, I felt really angry and it comes in between even now.

But It is true that people present their insecurities on us whenever such things happen and not the other way around.

Last year I told you all I made a mistake, the first and only in my life till now. It is a hollow feeling to kiss or be with someone for momentary comfort. And I was so distressed that I chose that. Only to realise later that I did not like it, I never want that. I was the one who lacked then, not anyone else. I was suffering gravely from insecurities, nobody else.

Similarly, he messing around and telling me he isn’t attracted to me says a lot about himself currently. He does not have a connect with his inner person, definitely trying to strangle that inner child. He was so unsure of himself that when surprisingly his bumble account filled with connects he felt he needed to explore them. Says a lot about how he felt in his native country and how this new country gave him that pseudo confidence.

I still get angry some nights for few moments, why did he pursue me then, he should have just moved on and done this. But no, he chose to hurt me purposely.

But that anger will do less harm to him and more harm to my mind.

I will start thinking of that lady, wanting to know about them, my insecurities will become high and I don’t want to thwart my growth because of anyone else.

But I feel so happy to see your messages… Both Tee and Anita for that matter… I truly feel I made friends on this forum.

Dear Anita,

You can write on his thread, but only help him if he needs and wants help. If he doesn’t. Just let him be. I knew he had a thread on this forum after he deleted the earlier one but I did not try to read it earlier. I read it this time and I felt I shouldn’t have. The will to change or not… It is his choice. Your effort and words will do nothing to him if he himself never realises he did wrong.

I was good to him all the time, but he took me for granted because of it. I was good to him not because he is the only man alive nor that I can’t date around or can’t fool around, but the friendship between us was too strong and the fact that he shared his mind with only me and nobody else in the entire world- not his family and not his friends… made me always feel that I should be kind to this man, be his friend like he has been mine.

But that does not give anybody the right to play with my emotions, my time and my self esteem. I wanted to see that we had this relationship living in the same city, would it work or not and Oh My God Anita, it was such a splendid time. We are really compatible. But if he did not understand that then perhaps he will never understand anything good that happens to him.

As for myself, I will spend the upcoming months realizing my dream of workcations , enjoying my youth by eating good, dressing up well(I am already doing that now-spending my hard earned money and not my parent’s) and writing whenever I can(I found a story- a very relatable one- I need some research as it is too real but I work on it everyday so that I don’t let it go). All good things are happening now, my best friends are moving in the same city that I am in and I know I have people to go out with whenever I don’t feel that great about myself. I think I will keep marriage on the backburner for sometime. Even my parents understand that I am not in the mental space to think of anyone else so they don’t talk about it although I haven’t told them about the cheating part.

I believe in Karma, so I will let the universe do their thing while I do mine.

Also, absolutely don’t regret being unkind. I will rather put it as you had a different perspective to things and not unkind- but even that perspective helped me in understanding every aspect of the matters I was facing. You have been my saviour and friend since past 5 years and although there are gaps in between. I always find my way back to you. You are a gem!

P.S.-You can talk to him if you want to help him but it is solely your decision.

Yeah Anita,

I didwish him well when I talked clearly to him, told him that we cannot continue further at all and that I deserve to have someone who appreciates all that I bring to a relationship.

He was in denial obviously, was unable to grasp that that call was our last conversation together. Kept saying think some more, take some time and let’s discuss this. But i am of firm mind now… If one keeps repeating the same mistakes over and over, they are considered a fool. And I don’t want to be one.

I will update you on the story and life(if I could go on a workcation) in coming months. ❤

Love and power to you Anita❤🤗