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I need help

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • January 17, 2017 at 10:48 am #125548
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ana:

    You are still living in the Netherlands? Better stay there, or move elsewhere, but not back to Portugal, not to live with your parents. You are stuck where you are, I understand, but your chances to get un-stuck are better being away from home (where you got stuck to begin with).

    If you can attend some kind of competent psychotherapy, perhaps a low cost therapy or even no- cost, please do. If your parents can send you money so to attend therapy- ask them. Competent psychotherapy is the best place to start your healing.

    When you moved away from your parents, you enjoyed the freedom. Unfortunately what you learned living with them, what you learned about yourself and about others, about life while living with them, moved with you to the Netherlands. To unlearn some of those things, therapy would be best.

    Pursuing nursing sounds good to me!

    anita

    January 19, 2017 at 10:11 am #125722
    AnaM28
    Participant

    Dear Anita. Thks for your answer.
    Yes im still in the Netherlands, but i must say on a diffucult situation also.
    I barely can cover my expenses here. My mom has to help me every month.
    I dont know which way to take.
    To stay here and try to get a higher income, and after that try to pursuit my dreams or to go back, where i have at least for sure a roof and food.
    I dont know how i would feel living there again.
    It is my fault im not doing better here. In general, i like it more here than there, although i love my country.
    But there are no opportunities to grow there.
    I dk what to do.
    I need to decide and act fast, because in this case , the time is counting.
    Thank you and i would like to hear from you

    January 19, 2017 at 10:41 am #125731
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ana:

    I wish you didn’t feel shame for your situation. Without shame you would feel and function so much better. I wish you didn’t compare yourself to others- you had your unique childhood- with a different childhood, you would have been living a different life.

    You asked about anti-depressants. I was on SSRI anti depressants for 17 years. At first I felt better, but overall, my life circumstances during those years got worse. I finally got off all psychiatric drugs and am glad I did.

    Your alcoholic father still lives with your mother, correct? You will be going back to the same dynamics if you return to Portugal? I wonder if you can get competent psychotherapy there… that would be a consideration, if I was you, although going back to the same dynamic at home would be a huge danger for me.

    Why don’t you open up to your one friend, better do it before moving back to Portugal. Why not check if there is counseling, free of charge, that you can attend in the Netherland. That would be my number one priority- get (free) short-term counseling as soon as possible, in the Netherland, for the purpose of deciding what to do next.

    Please post again, anytime with more thoughts and feelings, and I will reply.

    anita

    January 19, 2017 at 6:50 pm #125749
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    Going home (queues up Dvorak New World Symphony 2nd movement) isn’t the answer. I moved away from a dysfunctional family and was dumb enough to invite one in. Unlike wine, or so I have been told, dysfunction doesn’t get better with time.

    January 19, 2017 at 11:15 pm #125762
    AnaM28
    Participant

    Thank you for the answers.
    Yes, my mom still lives with my dad. And im pretty sure will live with him forever.
    Thats her choice.
    When im living under the same roof most days are awful. He is always drunk and is terrible to deal with that. I think she relies on me because she doenst have anyone to share her anger.
    My mom spends her days drowning in sadness . She takes antidepressants for 4 years. At first they helped a bit, now i think they just make her like a machine.
    Im going to try to find out about that cheap theraphy. I hope it exists.
    I wish i could just decide.
    Its all hard.
    But it helps to know that there people out there willing to help. Thank you for that

    January 20, 2017 at 7:20 am #125782
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear AnaM28:

    You are welcome. From your description of life with your mother and father- it is clear to me that you should do anything and everything in your power to not move back with them.

    Hope you do find inexpensive or no cost therapy for the purpose of staying away from the house of your parents and making a better life for yourself. Post with an update, will you?

    anita

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