Hi there,
Sorry you’ve not been feeling great. All is not lost I’m sure of it. It sounds like you’d benefit from speaking to your family and expressing your feelings. I’m sure they’d understand if you tried talking. Please remember that your experiences are NOT you. Its just your story and it doesn’t take away from the good soul you are underneath it.

I’ve battled with anxiety before in the past and still get bouts of it now, along with getting the blues. When you decide that you’ve suffered enough, this is when spiritual transformation can happen! I wish I’d learnt this when I was your age, it would have made my 20’s better!

When you’re feeling down the worse thing to do is mull it over and over. You can’t let this thing win!
I’ve learnt some valuable tricks when it comes to keeping a positive outlook and they are as follows……..

1.healthy eating (you are what you eat after all, eat wholesome, nourishing foods, try to cut out meat, eat fresh, try juicing, stay hydrated)

2.sleep, keep a regular sleep pattern

3.don’t worry too much about life goals, enjoy the ride! There are no more important goals in life than that of being happy. Put happiness above everything else! The most important goal!

4.write journals, be creative, get out and enjoy nature

5.exercise. Its very important to keep physically healthy

6.keep spirtually healthy. Let me recommend some life changing books to help you. These have helped me so much and I wouldn’t be without them now. The art of happiness by the dalai lama. The power of now by Eckhart tolls. The gifts of imperfection by brene brown.

I hope this is of some help.
Keep stromg, you can do it!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

Hi again. Hope you’re feeling a little better. I think you should start by taking baby steps to achieve your goal of being who you want to be. From what you’ve said I totally don’t think you’re completeley broken to the point of no return. Youre so young and can easily change your life around but its important to take small steps to achieve your goals. Have you ever considered any CBT or other therapies? I once had a course of mindfulness based CBT and it worked well in pointing me in the right direction. The answers lie within you, believe me on that. Be aware of negative self talk and when you find yourself talking in that way let it pass over you and don’t engage in it. Really research mindfulness, it’ll help you more than any anti-depressnt ever will. You hold the key to your own happiness!! 🙂

hi chocaway,

you have your own personality. Don’t try to change youself just for the sake of other people. Many times we try to change ourselves in order to get accepted in social surrounding, but in the process we lose our individuality and as a result we feel confused day by day. Therefore I think you need to accept and love yourself first. Accepting our own self does not mean that we should stop improving as a person. One should always strive to become a good person and should try to inculcate good habits. But we should not try to become what other people want us to become. i.e. our definition of good person should not depend upon perception of other people. I know it is very difficult at this stage for you to accept yourself as it is, because it seems that you are always looking at yourself through the eyes of other people. But you have to start working on it as early as possible, because it is the key to solve your problems, and for that you have to completely change your mindset and thinking process. And changing mindset and thinking process is the most difficult thing, but it certainly not an impossible one.

In order to change mindset, first start reading some inspirational and motivational books. Above @perfectweathertofly has mentioned a book by Eckhart Tolle, which could be a good starting point. You can also take a look at Works of Swami Vivekanand, such as “http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Complete_Works_of_Swami_Vivekananda/Volume_1/Karma-Yoga”. You can get complete works of Swami Vivekanand on the internet free of cost, because it is in public domain. Once you’ve completed reading these books, you have to move on to meditation. Because changing thought patterns is very difficult, and simply reading books won’t suffice many times, because our old behaviour pattern keep coming back to us from time to time. Hence we need meditation also in order to break this cycle of destructive thoughts. But first start reading books.

Now about antidepressant, I think you should avoid it as much as possible. Because You are not depressed at all, it’s just negative thought patterns that you have accumulated over the years is creating all sorts of problem for you. And in order to get out of these negative thought patterns one needs to have a strong will, which can come through reading and meditation, and not by medicines.

Apart from these, I will suggest you to develope some good hobby that will keep you busy in free time. Because in many cases, our personality is shaped by what we do in our free time. And I think a good hobby along with reading and meditation can do wonders in your case.

Just have a faith in youself and your abilities, you are going to be fine very soon!!
My Best Wishes

Hi chocaway,
From what you’ve said in your last post, I feel that you’ve very difficult time remaining in present moment. And that’s why you are experiencing forgetfullness and anxiety about future. But in order to live in present, one needs to tame one’s own mind, for which meditation can be very useful. Therefore, if possible I’ll ask you to look into Vipassana Insight Meditation. I’ve written a very long reply about Vipassana in the post
“http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/major-life-anxiety-at-21-and-have-never-experienced-it-before-help/”.
In that post I’ve also listed some documentaries on Vipassana, which you should watch, in order to understand about the technique.

As you are planning to attend university from this September, I think, you must attend atleast one 10-day Vipassana course before joining the university. These courses are held all over the world, just find out the one nearest to your locality as given in their official website “http://www.dhamma.org/en-US/index”. And yes these courses are completely free of cost and no hidden charges.

This meditation technique is 2500 years old, and believed to have been invented by Buddha himself.
Sometimes we think that, when we think too much then we can find out solution to our problems. But actually sometimes it’s very necessary to shut off our mind from all the thoughts. And this Vipassana meditation technique will teach you how to empty mind and only observe the things as they are without thinking.

This meditation technique will certainly help you deal with not only anxiety but it can change complete attitude of individual towards life in a positive manner, provided you sincerely practice it regularly in your daily life after 10-day Vipassana course.
As you are 19, I think you can certainly go for 10-day Vipassana course, because minimum age to attend these courses is 18.
If you feel that, you are not ready for full fledge 10-day meditation course, then there are also 3-day courses organised for individuals below 18 years. You can ask special permission for attending 3-day course.

I hope above information will help you in taking correct course of action.
Take Care.

ginkosan

…forgot to include this one on anxiety: http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Anxiety