I feel your confusion, Julie. I’m new here myself and can relate to all those swirling thoughts that send your emotions in all directions. I doubt that S. really hates you – rather it’s a reflection of where he’s at and not necessarily a true reflection of your work.

I too am having (different) challenges here at work. What I found helped me was that I wrote down some people’s names on a piece of paper, along with what I wish for them (prayers, if you will). Then I did some for me (2 pages actually). This helped me release some resentment and fears and gave me a small taste of release from spinning thoughts.

Be gentle with yourself, and don’t give all your power to others, because it’s yours 🙂

Hello Julia,

I empathize with you. We’ve all had inexperienced bosses, overly critical micromanagers, and even toxic bosses from hell. It’s great that you have a good relationship with J and he can serve as a mentor to you. Perhaps J could do a better job filtering S’s criticism of you. It wouldn’t be productive for J to share what S is saying behind your back unless it’s useful. Is J providing feedback to S regarding his approval of your work?

Mindfulness meditation can be beneficial for you, Julia. You can practice it at your desk throughout the day just by pausing and focusing on your (belly) breathing. Just a few deep breaths can reap benefits. With practice, mindfulness can empower you to intercept negative thoughts and help you develop mental discipline.

You’re probably aware that the difficult people we encounter can serve our spiritual gurus who teach us important lessons. There’s probably a way for you to help S become a more effective boss. You have many options: Not take his harsh words personally; communicate your concerns in a constructive manner during a one-on-one; cultivate kindness for S, perhaps invite him for coffee or lunch, just to know him better. You may learn that he’s threatened by you, or that he is going through personal issues, or that he’s just dishing out how he was treated by his parents or former bosses.

Since you’re heading for graduate school, you can approach this situation as a management case study for you to learn from and overcome. Either way, I have a strong feeling it will help you grow and to become a good manager down the line.

Peaceful Breathing,

Bill

JD,

Sorry you are going through a difficult time at work. It sounds like you are a hard worker and take pride in your job. Good for you 🙂 

As Cleo mentioned it probably has more to do with what S has going on in his world. Perhaps you just happen to be in the crosshairs.
I am sorry to hear you are having a bad day. I know at my job, some days are great and some days are very trying and I wonder how I can do this until retirement. Ha 😉 But, then I focus on something positive, such as what I plan to do on my next day off, or what I get to do that evening after work. I try to focus on all the awesome things that I have outside of my work. Just remember that soon enough you get to start at a new University, which will be an exciting, new chapter in your life. This job you have now is just for the time being.

Try to remember that S might have some bad things going on in his life, but it doesn’t excuse him for treating you poorly. When he presents something to you such as criticism and you don’t understand, could you ask for better clarification? If you don’t understand what he wants/needs, ask him to elaborate. Perhaps, you can kindly set some the boundaries. If his voice gets loud, you can tell him that it scares you when he talks so loud, for example. Hopefully he’ll understand that you are trying to learn and do the best you can. Obviously you are 🙂 If nothing works, perhaps you need to have a conversation with J about it.

Take care of you and do something special for yourself tonight. Be around friends or family or maybe go see a funny movie, so you can laugh and smile.

Hugs and love to you my dear.

@Julia

I had been in a similar situation of working with a boss from hell. She’s exactly like the way you have described ‘S’.

My advice would be –
1. Concentrate on your work, improve your skills, go out of your given responsibilities and take on extra.
a. You will be happy giving 101% at work.
b. Your skill set will improve.
c. Others will witness your dedication and hard-work towards your job, along with your bosses.

2. Aim for your goal Graduate-School.
a. Phase out everything else.
b. You are there to work and improve professionally, do that.

3. Regarding ‘S’ criticism or pulling you down.
a. Agree with others above, that ‘S’ is a disturbed soul.
b. Do your given job, beforehand or on time.
c. Never give any excuses, for work undone.
d. Also, do not speak about your concern with ‘S’ criticism to ‘J’ or anybody at work, it will backfire.
e. Ask loads of questions to ‘S’, how to do an assigned – job, this will boot there ego.
f. Give ‘S’ the faith that they only can teach you. ‘S’ is craving for attention and recognition, give them that.

You are young and you are there to learn. Learn, ask questions, observe everybody at work, especially ‘S’ and ‘J’. Whenever you are working with either of them, observe there style of working, how they like a job well done and follow-suit. People will talk/gossip about you, but don’t participate or pay any heed to that.

Hope this will help.