You are not being selfish, nor ungrateful. It’s perfectly acceptable to have these thoughts. You are going through a rough time. Unfortunately that’s comes with being alive.

But what’s great about you, and what I find so amazingly inspiring, is that where others would have let this difficult time thrust them into a state of inactivity, you continue to press on. You are going through this difficult time and you, not only have your mind in the right place by remembering what you have to be thankful for, but you are also consistently trying to resolve the issues within your job. Your dedication is truly remarkable.

I’m not too familiar with finance, so I can’t really offer any direction in that area, but one thing I know for sure is that you have not failed. People fail when they come face-to-face with an obstacle and they just stare at it and say, “well, time to give up”, but you come face-to-face with an obstacle and you think of how to get around it, over it, through it because that’s who you are. You are someone who succeeds because you know what you want. Your desire isn’t some fickle idea floating about. It’s a tangible goal that you know you can accomplish because you are you. Simple as that.

I know you have done this already, but keep on trying to brainstorm on a new solution, a new idea, a new method that could possibly work. Try to learn from other people’s successes and mistakes in order to perfect your bar. And remember that you aren’t alone. You have your co-workers and friends to aid you, and if not that, then you have a loving fiancé to help you. One of the great things about marriage is that it teaches you that you are on a team and to depend on someone other than yourself.

I honestly, genuinely, whole-heartedly believe you can resolve the problem. There are people out there who wouldn’t be able to deal with what you are going through and you are definitely one of the few among us who can overcome this.
What you’re going through is like when one goes through a tunnel. It’s dark for a while, but if you keep walking you will get to the light on the other side. Just keep walking Natalie, and everything will turn out alright.

I would wish you good luck, but you don’t need it.