Dear Jamie, Honest to say I feel the pain what you have right now. Yes ex husbands boy friends are born to hurt some one. But if he is your ex let him to be your ex let him go from your head yes I know it is much easy to say so but focus on your life instead of thinking who already left you. And take a lesson from what you have went through. And why you want to forgive your self ? It seems you blame your self for what happened also look like you have regrets , are you? If you have been with some one divorced already there is always a risk that due to their lings they will turn back to their ex es. But why you keep thinking why he did that way and why he treated you that way giving an stress to your self does not help. Think as a good thing happened to you. Some one who does not care about you left you,, as the way he left you he will leave another one that is how it is. But that is not what we wanted right? I have been married for 12 years. And my husband cheated me enough. I knew it but I let him run as far as he wanted because I knew he will end up in a big crap on his own. Instead of thinking what he do and why he do I use that time to enjoy my self. Go to a film with friends or with my little daughter walk through the city and breath the fresh air. It was pain full honestly it was not easy. My husband was aggressive, no respect , abusive words, when some one guilty they blow up it on the one who sit next to them. That is what I have seen. And most pains comes from the way we accept the issues. I never thought he do such things because of me I don’t make him happy I never took anything for my self. Try meditation that is very good for your phase. Sit down try not to think anything just focus on your breathing. I am sure you will stand up with positive energy. Big hug