Home→Forums→Tough Times→I love my boyfriend but can't hang off my ex…
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July 7, 2017 at 1:16 pm #156902MarthaParticipant
Hello to all, I have been in a realtionship with my boyfriend for a year now and we live together with his family but we are always arguing all of the time. We fight over every single little thing and he also gets aggresive with me. Last year in november I cut my hair out of anger really short becaause he used to drag me to the bed and grab me hard when he got mad at me. Sometimes he had good reasons to get mad at me and other times he didn’t. I understand it was okay for him to get mad at me because I would message other guys sometimes but I do not do that anymore. He is very obsessive, compulsive and demanding and I do not like that at all. He says that I made him like that due to trust issues. I told him yesterday that I was considering leaving him but I am not sure, he said he is oging to do everything he can to fight for our love, I know he truly loves me. I dated my ex like 5 years ago adn we didn’t date long only a few months because he thought I was jealous and didn’t want to let him go out with his friends and I cried a lot over him. We remained in touch and talk every couple months we say each other a few times because he lives where my parents live like 3 hours away from me. My father doesn’t like my boyfriend but idk if I should leave him and go back home or just leave and take a break or what to do. My friends here tell me to work soemthing out and leave my boyfriend because he has been physical with me and his parents do not like that we fight. His dad also threatened me one time, he said he would kick ME out the next time I yelled but I was only yelling because he was grabbing me. I don’t know if I love my bf honestly, I think we can make things work but we would have to truly both change and take some courses or something. He says we will last forever, and that I am the women he wants to marry, but I don’t know. Idk if what I feel for my ex is just leftoever feelings or if I shoul give him the second chance that he wants. I am going to visit my parents next week and we might see each other but I am scared and idk what will happen. My ex is also from the same town/place my family is, so maybe that is another reason I want him but I really do not know. I am trying to apply to jobs in dallas and If I move to work there maybe that can be an excuse to leave but I don’t know, my mom says my bf will chase me if he really wants me or look for me again. I am just stressed and confused because I do not know what is best for me. Idk if my ex just wants lust, he says really loves me and that feelings are still there for a reason but I don’t know anymore I feel so lost.
July 8, 2017 at 7:56 am #157006AnonymousGuestDear Martha:
You wrote: ” I am trying to apply to jobs in dallas and If I move to work there maybe that can be an excuse to leave”- you shouldn’t need an excuse to leave. It is your right to leave a boyfriend for any reason or for no reason at all.
The physical attacks have to stop, not a single one is to be tolerated. No matter the reasons.
When a person loves another, that person does not attack the supposed “loved one”- not physically and not otherwise.
Unless the relationship changes immediately, to exclude any and all physical violence, it should be ended, as soon as it takes to walk to the door and leave (have someone gather your belongings for you, later).
anita
July 8, 2017 at 7:57 am #157008AnonymousGuest* didn’t submit correctly…
July 8, 2017 at 11:16 am #157070MacyParticipantMartha
It is not love when someone abuses you. When you love someone, there is a mutual respect, a deep friendship, mutual attraction. I personally think you should leave this unhealthy relationship. By staying is saying you will accept this ongoing abuse…and that your self love and self respect is not a priority. Right now you need to put yourself first..and your happiness. People say they will change..sure for a bit than they go back to the way they were. You will find someone who loves and respects you as you would to them…than that’s a happy and healthy relationship. Put it this way, if you had a young daughter who was in a relationship like you are in right now….what would you say to her?
I think you know what the answer to this situation is…find the strength to do what’s best for you.
Macy
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