Dear Maria:

You shared in previous threads that this guy is abusive to you sometimes. You didn’t give many details except to say that he uses abusive language to other people and that he sometimes throws things when he is angry. Can you give more details about his behavior when he is abusive: what things does he throw and on whom, what language does he use when talking to you, how does he express his anger when drinking too much and otherwise?

anita

Dear Maria:

From previous threads I understand that your parents’ approval of the marriage are necessary before the marriage can take place. They disapprove of him as a future husband for you. You are scared to defy your parents and you don’t want to lose him so you lied to him. Then you told him the truth. You did the right thing by him, telling him the truth.

You weren’t clear as to how he is abusive to you. You wrote that he threw his mobile phone on the wall and spoke in a very loud voice when angry.

Let’s say you do marry him and he yells when he is angry. If you have a child with him, his yelling will scare the child. Parents should not yell when their children can hear them yelling. Parents should treat each other peacefully, so that their children can feel safe.

Back to your parents disapproving- if their approval is absolutely necessary and they do not approve based on them knowing him before the relationship with you, and based on facts that are true- there is nothing you can do. Better not lie to your parents as well about the facts they disapprove of (for example his work history and status, his gambling and so forth).

Maybe moving on, ending this relationship and moving on is the right thing for you to do.

anita