Home→Forums→Relationships→I know I have to let go, but I struggling with it, it is out of anger
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March 24, 2018 at 8:02 am #199223
AnonymousGuestDear Yeshoda:
Somehow, it seems that I missed your thread until this morning. Currently, is he living with his child and the mother of his child? Or should I ask, is there a way for you to know if he is and if he is on an ongoing physically intimate relationship with the mother of his child?
anita
March 24, 2018 at 9:12 am #199229
PeterParticipantWhy cant i let go, why cant i forget, why cant i forgive?
We can’t let go when we attach our sense of self with our memories and emotions. Instead of feeling our emotions we become our emotions. To let go would then be letting go of our sense of self which feels like dying and so we grasp and cling and hold onto our pain. We also hold onto our pain because a subconscious part of ourselves hopes that as long as we hurt we are hurting the one that hurt us. We do not forgive because we do not understand forgiveness.
We suffer because a part of us wants to suffer.
March 29, 2018 at 2:38 am #199887
YashodaParticipantHi Anita
Sorry for the late reply.
He moved out of the apartment he shared with the mother of his child into another apartment that is 5 mins away from theirs. He goes to see his child straight after work every day at the their apartment. Whenever he is with his child, the mother is always there. He takes the mother along with him to all family gatherings. He has never made any effort to be able to do things with his child alone.
Yashoda
March 29, 2018 at 2:55 am #199891AnonymousGuestDear Yashoda:
In your original post you wrote: “I stupidly believed him… the thought that he was lying to me never once crossed my mind.”
And then the thought did cross your mind, and my mind as I read your post. Now that it has crossed my mind I don’t know if it is true that he moved out of the apartment he shared with his child’s mother. This is what he told you, correct? Without evidence, how would you know it is true…
anita
March 29, 2018 at 11:47 am #199991YashodaParticipantHi Anita
You are right, I can’t believe anything he tells me ever again. I tried to trust him again but I can’t. That’s y I’m so upset that y would I still think about him, think about the times we shared, think about what he is doing, y am I giving him my heart when he lied and cheated on me. I want to move on, I want to forget everything that happend.
Yashoda
March 29, 2018 at 12:29 pm #199995AnonymousGuestDear Yeshoda:
Your last sentence in your recent post: “I want to forget everything that happened”. I don’t think we can forget bad experiences. They get glued to our brain. The logic of it, of the brain remembering bad experiences, is to see to it that they don’t happen again.
You are angry at him and you love him all at the same time (you shared in your original post). You love him sometimes because you still hope, sometimes. And you are angry at him because he lied to you, for so long.
The hope you still have at times, will you tell me about this hope?
anita
October 8, 2018 at 1:06 pm #229823YashodaParticipantI guess this hope is hope that I’m clinging onto, the hope that I had for sharing my life with someone, the hope of having children, the hope of having a family of my own, people that I knew I could count on. Is there something wrong with me that even after this man hurt me so much I still think he loves me. There had to be something wrong with me to still think that this man will make me happy. I am so mad at my self that I am so desperate that I am prepared to still talk to this man, to still think about this man. He makes no time for me and yet I give him my time. What is wrong with me, what is wrong with me. I hold on because I think that no one else will even look my way and then for sure I will never have a chance at happiness. What is wrong with me. Why don’t I have any self respect left. I hate myself for behaving like this
October 8, 2018 at 1:10 pm #229827AnonymousGuestDear Yeshoda:
I will read your most recent post when I am back to the computer, in about sixteen hours. I will reply to you then. I hope other members will reply before I am back.
anita
October 8, 2018 at 8:46 pm #229869
TomParticipantYashoda, there is hope in finding someone else who has respect for you and does not lie to you. There are others who are single who will look your way. There are too many people on this planet not to look your way. I understand your fears though. I left a relationship where I felt like I was not being treated with respect and it has been the most challenging thing for me to move on from. I think to myself that I will never find anyone like her. Why did I leave? It wasn’t that bad. She treated me the worst that anyone has ever treated me and I still want to be with her. The good thing is that you can regain your self respect by not talking to him ever again and making your self happy. I struggle with this everyday but I do have hope that one day I will meet someone who respects me and I know you will too as long as you say good bye to this guy.
October 9, 2018 at 1:37 am #229887
ShelbyvilleParticipantTom, how are you getting on? You seem to have the right attitude but are still struggling, do you feel you are getting through it?
Yahosda, it all sounds quite complicated and unclear. Perhaps at this stage it might be best to try and take some time for you to figure things out, with no interference from him. To just be.
October 9, 2018 at 5:00 am #229923AnonymousGuestDear Yashoda:
“Is there something wrong with me that even after this man hurt me so much I still think he loves me… still think this man will make me happy…still talk to this man, to still think about this man”-
What is wrong is that you still need love in your life. Your need didn’t change after you found out he lied to you, this is why you still feel love for him, still talk to him, still think about him.
It is similar to this: a very hungry person, one feeling starved for food. There is no food around other than an old piece of bread, somewhat molded, so the person eats it, maybe removes the most moldy part and eats the rest. You are hungry for love and there is no one else in your life but this man. So you love him because that is no other source of love and he is the closest.
What do you think/feel?
anita
October 9, 2018 at 9:26 am #229989YashodaParticipantDear Anita
I know I need love , I’m always the person that everyone relies on to support them but unfortunately I am alone. I have family but I have never felt that I could truly open up to then because I know they can never keep what I say private. I just so wanted to find someone that I felt safe with, that loved me for me. I am so lonely and sad and lost. I’ve been on my own for the last 18 years. I’m just tired.
Yashoda
October 9, 2018 at 11:23 am #230005AnonymousGuestDear Yeshoda:
“I have family but I have never felt that I could truly open up to them because I know they can never keep what I say private”- I can relate to this.
When our parents don’t respect us, don’t value us, that means they don’t love us. This is how we get to starve for love, to feel “so lonely and sad and lost”. I felt this way most of my life. Sometimes I still do. But not like before. Because along the way, I finally found love, someone to respect me and value me.
You can too, you can find that too, but not in the same people that haven’t valued you so far. It has to be someone new to you.
anita
October 10, 2018 at 8:29 am #230165YashodaParticipantDear Anita
I wish I would find new people to fill my life but Where do I find this new someone. I don’t even know where to begin. I have been so busy taking care of others and their needs that I’ve put my life on the back burner. I work most of the time because I have to make sure that I can support people, where do I start to reintegrate into society again.
Yashoda
October 10, 2018 at 10:42 am #230185AnonymousGuestDear Yashoda:
It is long overdue then that you focus on your life, on what you need, what you want. It is time that you are taken care of.
How do women your age meet men for dating purposes where you live?
anita
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