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I just want it to be done

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  • #128701
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear asterixobelix:

    This is my suggestion for a plan of action on your part:

    1. Let your mother know that for the next six months, to the date, you will have no contact with her whatsoever. Decision to be revisited by you in six months. Same with anyone and everyone in your life that applies pressure on you in any way, shape or form.

    2. Let your fiancé know that you are going to quit your job and be unemployed (and not in school either), for the next six months. If he can’t respect you and your decision, then the wedding needs to be canceled.

    3. Quit your job. Tomorrow, if not today.

    4. Attend competent psychotherapy that you can afford.

    5. Make a financial plan regarding how to survive these six months.

    anita

    #128739
    RamoneJoseph
    Participant

    Hello Asterixobelix,

    That name reminds me of comic books in Germany for some reason… but I digress… It sound like you are super unhappy because you feel like you’re trapped in a situation where you’re responsible for making others happy. That has to stop! No one can make you happy but yourself, and that goes for other people too. You aren’t responsible for trying to insure the happiness of others at the expense of fulfilling your own life goals. Trust me, I’ve wasted a $h!tload of time thinking that if I could make the world a perfect and happy place for other people, then I would finally deserve a share of that happiness also. It doesn’t work like that unfortunately, and us kindhearted fools end up being used, abused, and often discarded, never to attain our own potential and goals.

    Like Anita said, you need to cut loose and be your own person for awhile. Warn everybody that this is something that you need to do, but be ready for the whining and complaining that you’re going to get as a reply, and don’t fall for it. Stick to you guns and give yourself the time and space to figure out what it is you need. The people you care for will experience this time from the outside and be witness to your transformation. You can discover a happier you!!! If people truly care for/love you, they will be happy for you in the end, if they don’t then they have no real place in your life.

    I wish you the best, happiness and health,

    Ramone

    #128743
    Asterix
    Participant

    Hi anita and Ramone, Thank you so much for reading all of my story and for your generous responses. I re-read what I wrote and immediately felt guilty for being so ungrateful and spouting out all this hate. I’m ashamed for being so angry and practically incomprehensible but at the same time I just feel so empty with the daily routine so I don’t want to completely retract all my original thoughts.

    ou are both right – I do need an action plan like the one anita suggested and also to stop living my life to accommodate others per Ramone. That’s been a huge problem of mine – just being used and taken advantage of all the time. I can tell when people are doing it too yet I am too embarrassed to call them out, so I just avoid them or quit what I’m doing and move on to the next thing. I am so scared to have an opinion of stand up for myself. I just kind of go along with what the people around me insist until I snap and quit or move to another job/city/whatever.

    For the action plan, I have moved far away from my mom and rarely speak to her, and that’s helped a lot. I guess I just feel guilty sometimes because “normal” people talk to their moms and see them at Christmas and such, but I just kind of skip all that. The engagement just kind of made me want to reconnect with her, but I guess I should just continue avoiding her. She won’t respond to anything I say anyway – she’ll just start talking about herself or her grandchildren. For step 2, I do feel like my fiancé would support my decision but honestly I would feel bad for not contributing and maybe I’m scared he won’t approve. It just makes me feel like a loser that I can’t “pitch in” an equal amount to bills. I guess I am really scared to just up and quit. My ex left me after 7 years together when I decided I didn’t want to be a nurse…well, he didn’t leave – he just cheated and cheated and let me keep doing his laundry and paying his rent until I had to put my foot down and leave (then it was all my fault for “being the one who left”). It really should be easier for me to quit my job – I just quit my last one just this past November and found this current one. I guess I just am embarrassed I must look crazy, always unhappy wherever I go and always up and quitting and quitting everything I do.

    I love the idea of psychotherapy – I’m in the process of looking for someone to help me. I just don’t know how to find someone good, and I feel wary of trusting people. I really want to take Ramone’s advice – cut loose and be my own person. I don’t even know how to do that – when my fiancé is gone for work I just kind of go to work and then don’t know what to do with myself besides shop and clean and do chores. It’s really kind of sad. I don’t know – guess I just feel lost and not like a whole person.

    Either way, thank you both for reading and replying. You’re great people and I really appreciate your thoughts.

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