If there is any moment that I truly regret is when he told me that he wanted to break up with me, I accepted it without any fight or fuss. All I can say is that weak “I am very disappointed” line that I regret very much.

I wish that I had told him that I want him to stay and fight for me and that we will work this out together somehow or maybe we should take a bit of a break and space to think things through instead of agreeing with a impulse break up that he only thought about for 3-4 days.

Maybe things would be different, who knows.

Instead of saying all those things or beg for him, I let go of him while thinking that letting him go is the biggest present and the biggest kind of sacrifice that I can give to someone that I love very much. I am in a constant struggle between Mina that wants to tell her ex about how she feels honestly or Mina that wants to be the un-selfish ex girlfriend that let go of her ex boyfriend once he wanted out.

I do not want my ex boyfriend to remembered me in a bad way – I want him to remember me as Mina, the person that he loved very much and that ex girlfriend of mine that was so nice that even after I broke up with her, she sent me a warm happy birthday message.

I want him to continue to remember me that way. I do not want to show him or anyone my “depression” state for that reason. I want to remain as a good and lovely memory for him. I do not want to turn into those crazy ex girlfriend that will embarrass their ex boyfriend, my ex boyfriend was respected by a lot of people – I cannot turn my boyfriend`s legacy and reputation in this college into nothing.

I still dress up, put on my make up, put on a fake smile everyday in order for everyone to believe that I am fine so they won’t send my boyfriend weird message like how Mina is going crazy etc, I have to put on a mask in a sense. He is the last person on earth that I want to tell about my current condition.

But lately – it gets unbearable for me like I have mentioned.

-Mina

Anita,

Do you genuinely think that it will be a good idea to express how I feel out of the blue, even though it has been 2 months ever since the break up?

Do you genuinely think that my ex boyfriend wouldn’t be burdened by hearing all those things that I wanted to say and express to him?

Do you think it is possible that maybe …. he will get mad or think I am weird?

I overthink just like him, what if he overthinks this?

Sorry – I sound really annoying right now, probably.

-Mina

Hello Anita,

I am here with a new update and new way of thinking.

Do you remember my very first thread here? I told you that I wasn’t sure to continue my study here or not. I was at lowest point in my life regarding my love relationship and my whole future. I felt like I did not have any purpose to live at all.

I realise that it was all because my ex boyfriend`s thinking had influenced me. When he talked about his hard times, I relate to him … and in a sense he showed me a way out of it by moving college. I loved and trusted him so I naturally think that in order to be safe again… I have to follow my ex boyfriend steps. He moved college because he was having a really hard time, I am also having a hard time right now so I keep thinking about doing the same thing.

I thought my ex boyfriend was the most perfect person in this planet. He is very nice, gracious, respectful and smart. He is also funny and very thoughtful to others. He is a leader that everyone loves and respect. He does not like conflict, and is always trying to meet halfway with everyone. He was a good person and he still is, even now. But I also understand now that he is also human. He is not perfect, and I shouldn’t be making life changing decision based on him.

I would tell you the amazing story on how my ex suddenly decided to move college : it was because he had lost a precious gift from his parents (a watch), the gift that was a congratulations gift for getting into our prestige university. That one watch that changed his entire life and future.

He mentioned on how he felt like he cannot be himself in student council, but it is not like he’s going to be the president forever. He just needs to hold it in for one more semester and he can live his life without student council. He mentioned how he does not like the exclusivity attitude in his major and class, but that is life. You cannot expect everyone to be nice. My ex boyfriend came from a small exclusive international school, with only less than 2o people per year – it was natural for him to be surprised that there are a lot of people in this world that are different and might be difficult to deal with.

But instead of dealing with it … he ran away from his responsibilities. He admitted this to me during our relationship. I was the one that did not want to admit it. I keep wanting to contact him after the break up in order to get his support and acknowledgement to move college. I was a coward for hiding behind his decision. I made a lot of reckless statements and decision based on that influence. I am not saying that the influence was a bad thing .., maybe for my ex it was the right thing FOR HIM to move, but for me – it is not. He made questions my dreams and plans, and because of that I am thankful because he re-assured me that I am currently doing the right thing instead.

I am not him. I am different from him. I will not run away and I will no longer hide. And for the first time ever since the break up, I can see why he is NOT the one for me. Instead of living a fantasy world that only I live in, I am starting to look at the reality and living it in.

I am sorry that it sounds so random and sudden but I realise how much power my ex boyfriend still had over me. He was so perfect … until today. I have no desire to be understand or to be heard by him anymore because I realise that his opinion over me does NOT matter. It is my life not his. I should be the one making every decision not him.

He shook me up and turned my life upside down for a reason, it was because I needed to find myself and my passion. For someone who did not even have any short term goal before I met him, he became a reminder that I need to find it. I need to be sure of what my goal is so I shouldn’t be so easily moved by a simple break up.

-Mina

Anita,

I am so delighted to read your compliments towards me. Thank you very much, that means a lot to me. I genuinely think that you are probably one of the only person in the world that truly understands the way that I think, you never once minimised my pain or my feelings for my ex boyfriend during the break up recovery period. I needed to be heard and to be understood during that time, and you heard and understood me … just like how my ex boyfriend did back then on his birthday – thank you, once again. People sometimes forgot that, I do not really need their advices or support, sometimes I just need them to listen and understand.

It felt good to really saw my ex boyfriend as he is. That was the main of it all. I was able to finally saw my ex boyfriend as a person again. There were a lot of times during and after the relationship where I had defended and tried to understand the motive of his actions. His actions were very unpredictable and for a 19 year old – I sympathise with his confusion and the fact that he was having a hard time. My deep love confused me and blinded me for a while, but now I can see things more clearly

The reason why I felt like I was a stranger to myself was because I trusted him more than I trusted myself. Every single thing that I had done (from making friends, to the way I treat or think about people, or see people) I was actually seeing things from his perspectives. My ex told me to be happy, and I was going to be happy only because he told me. If he had told to me to go die and be miserable, maybe I would have done it too. Everything that he says, he does or thinks – it became me. He became my guide book and my reason to live. I became him in a sense after the break up.

I realised that I failed to notice something important in my boyfriends decision. His decision to move college was a decision he made by himself for his own life. He left the person that he loved and friends in this college to go get his dreams. He trusted himself the most to made the decision, he did not made it based on his parents or his girlfriend. That is what I should have learnt from him. To trust myself, that I am doing well even without him or without anyone really. I am alive and I am well and I will be alive and well in the future as well.

These days, I remember my high school days like it was yesterday – I was probably 1 out of 20 person that came into the school when there was a flooding in my city. I was 3 hours late and still came in to the class all wet. I used to be the model student that would came during extra lesson even though I got the highest grade in my school. I do not know the meaning of “giving up” or “running away” – I have always faced my problems and deal with it, no matter how hard. During the break up, this Mina wasn’t here. I ran away and I was going to give it all up for the wrong reasons.

Regarding my best guy friend – I was wrong. I feel like I have to apologise to him, somehow. I am not feeling sorry for not feeling the same as him but I am feeling sorry for leading him on a lot of times. I was definitely not in a good mental position, I had hurted and toyed with a lot of people`s feelings. I was very selfish. All I can think about was my problem. My break up. My ex boyfriend. It was all about me.

I do not feel like I am particularly sad about my ex anymore. He was and will always be a precious memory for me, and more importantly he taught me an important lesson that I have to always trust myself and trust my own dreams instead of trusting someone else`s dreams.

-Mina

Lisa24,

Hello Lisa. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.

You asked : “Why did you break up with your boy-friend?”

Hm, love is about timing sometimes right? Maybe we would have been perfect in another lifetime and another timing in this world.

We broke up mainly because my ex boyfriend was going through a lot of unpredictable changes in his life that is very scary to him. To tell you the reason more specifically – he was going to move college and is preparing for his mandatory military service as a Korean guy – he did not want me to wait for him and continue the relationship when at this moment, we do not really see it going anywhere.

I am sorry to hear you going through something too at the moment. I am not sure that I understand it 100 percent but you aren’t happy with you current partner? or you are not sure about him?

-Mina