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I just hate not knowing how I feel

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  • May 11, 2015 at 11:51 am #76609
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear purplepinguin:

    From your description, he sounds like a decent guy and you sound like a decent person as well. Two decent young people, so it “sounds” to me. It seems reasonable for me that he would want to protect himself and not get into a long term relationship and it seems reasonable to me that he didn’t know exactly how HE felt throughout those three months himself, so he didn’t give you the most clear messages (he didn’t know himself what he wanted, how he wanted it as clearly as he knows now). Seems like he cares about you and is not able to commit to a relationship long distance. If this rings true to you, please do not hate him, like your friend suggested. There is enough hate in the world without hating a decent person. It may be possible (is it?) that your hurt has to do more with abandonment in your past, betrayals in your past, maybe in your family-of-origin? It may be an oppotunity to look into such old hurts that are still very much alive in you (and are somewhat projected into this relationship)? If any of this stimulates you to think more- please post again.. Best to you:
    anita

    May 12, 2015 at 6:03 am #76655
    Arianna
    Participant

    Anita,
    Your advice makes a lot of sense, but the one thing I’m wondering is if I should just cut him off. I made it clear in my text message that I don’t want to see him for a while. I may contact him at some point when I return from my trip, but I’m scared my feelings for him will still be too strong and I’ll get too upset. I just hate cutting people off though. Any thoughts?
    Thanks again for your help!

    May 12, 2015 at 6:05 am #76656
    Arianna
    Participant

    And also, I have been hurt in the past by a lot of friends, I’m a really kind, generous person who rarely gets mad so I was stepped on a lot, especially when I was younger. I’ve always felt underappreciated.

    May 12, 2015 at 7:46 am #76665
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Hi Purplepinguin:
    My thoughts regarding your note to me: anything you do in regard to this man is okay as long as you do not abuse him, as long as you treat him with respect. It is your top responsibility to take care of yourself. If it hurts you to be in contact with him- end the contact… respectfully. Do it honestly- not having to tell him everything you think and feel, but what you do say should be true. Maybe you can tell him that you are confused at the moment- without having to go into detail. But the point is- do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Be your own best advocate.
    Take Care of You:
    anita

    May 14, 2015 at 9:15 am #76798
    Will
    Participant

    Just chiming in to agree, really. I see no reason for you to hate him, but if it would do your sense of mental peace good not to talk to him at all and let it be done, then that’s fine. Say it’s done. Tell him, thanks for the good times and goodbye.

    I think circumstances just got in the way for you guys. It’s sad but it happens, especially when you’re young.

    Hope you can find a way to let it go. All my best wishes.

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