I am a 29 years old woman, turning 30 this year.

I’ve being avoiding talking to my parents because I got a divorce and I don’t have the courage to tell my parents. It’s been 7 months now. My mom and I texted each other couple of times during this period of time but have not talked for longer than 5 mins.

My ex and I separated because of my infidelity. I never had the courage to tell my parents that we divorced and why. I feel this huge amount of shame and disappointment in myself because I feel like I’ve failed my parents.

Growing up I was raised as an overachiever. My dad is a verbal abuser and rarely shows his emotions except anger. My mom doesn’t love my dad and has been secretly dating another man. When I was young, my mom put all of her effort on me. I was doing really well in school and at work. I got a really nice job after graduation making more than most of my peers. When I as 25, I moved to a foreign country for my ex dreaming to marry him one day.

The life in a completely foreign country&culture started to have mixed impacts on me. I realised that my ex and I started to grow apart, mainly that we wanted different things in life at that time. I found myself having this resentment towards him because I gave up an insanely well-paid &promising job that I really loved due to moving, and I couldn’t find an equally satisfying one in the new city. I mostly hung out with him and his friends and I felt as if I was losing my own identity.

I also had resentment towards my parents. I hated when my mom compared me with other kids. I hated the way they showed their care through asking me if I have a secure job and how much money I make. I hated that she badmouth some of the relatives that I actually respect. I hated that she ruined my father’s image in my head But I still wanted to move my parents closer to me. My mom always rejected the idea but then also complained to me that I went away from home too far and joked that I was abandoning them. She also often told me “Never move your father close to you once you have a family. He’d ruin your beautiful life.”

I now live abroad far from my parents. I am trying to have a new life with a new job and my own friends. But I still couldn’t answer their calls or texts because it’s too painful to face them. On the other hand I know they’re suffering as well not knowing how am I doing or what’s going on with my life and that creates huge amount of anxiety for me.

I really want to just get rid of all these anxiety and fear, to face my parents with truth but I don’t know which one would hurt more.