Dear Buddi:

In a world where all men look for women half their age, then in that world, of course, you will not be able to find love with a man… younger than eighty, I suppose.

In that world, you have no chance of finding love… with a many younger than eighty.

In a world where the only place to live is in the bay area of the state of California, where … well, you get my point. You presented a situation where you are stuck, have no options.. oh, stuck is indeed in the title of your thread.

I understand your concerns, of course. I understand the pressure of high cost living, the reality that some men do look for much younger women and don’t see beyond physical attractiveness. There is nothing you can change about your situation that will be challenge free, no easy way out of this stuck-ness.

But there may very well be a way for a better life for you and for your son. If the two of you are not doing well, then I do hope there is a better way, a better life for the two of you.

Notice: it is way more important for your boy to have a healthy, kind and gentle parents than it is to have a mean father (that is what your son told you) and a troubled mother living in an expensive home in the bay area.

I have more thoughts but don’t want to make this post too long.

anita

Dear Buddi:

If a majority of the men go for women half their age, it is a good thing you only need one man, not the majority.

About being practical, you went along with your arranged marriage so to escape your family, correct? That was the practical thing to do at the time?

And then, not having a love relationship with your husband, was the practical thing to do dating Mike? Staying in the marriage because that was practical, so you tried to experience love elsewhere…

Were you practical so far, and how did it work for you, or not?

anita

Dear Buddi:

My focus in communicating with you is to explore ways to get unstuck (the title of your thread states that you have been stuck for the last three years). You and I mentioned a couple of things in recent postings: what  is  practical and what  is right.

Here are a few things you mentioned that were not/ are  not right, that is, wrong: having been yelled at and verbally abused by your parents, your parents  placing what-will-others-say as the deciding factor and not at all the well being  of their daughter. You also mentioned earlier that your husband  treats his son harshly,  and that is wrong. Also, the affair with Mike was wrong, wrong to you,  wrong to your husband, and in so being, wrong  to your son as well.

Then there are  the practical issues: costs of  living separately from your husband, real estate appreciation and such.

What I would do, if I was you, will be focusing on what is right first, then the practical. What  is right, from your own experience, would be to not inflict on others verbal or any abuse, to not accept such yourself, to not allow that  to be  inflicted on your son. What  is right is to not cheat on a husband.  What is right is to not have a relationship with a person  who disrespects you. And it  is also right to  consider what  other people think, especially what your parents think, as your last consideration, way, way behind your well being and best interest.

And  yes, it  is also right to have food and shelter. But  if  you have the minimal required, as far as the material things in life, a good life is possible… if you focus on what is right first.

anita